


Be With Me

by Khawapashi



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Fix-It, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), HAE That Should Have Been, Meddling Force Ghosts (Star Wars), Mysterious Force Magic, Not Ben Solo, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Putting the Hope and Redemption Back in Star Wars, Redeemed Ben Solo, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Stormtrooper Rebellion (Star Wars), The Knights of Ren As Actual Characters, The World Between Worlds (Star Wars), surprise cameos - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:14:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22221628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khawapashi/pseuds/Khawapashi
Summary: With her right hand, she reached for Kylo’s. His hand closed like a steel trap the moment her fingers touched the worn leather of his glove, pulling her in, his power flaring triumphantly around them, blinding him to her next movement. Tears filled her eyes as she turned and cast the unlit saber into space, pushing it with all her might through the artificial gravifield to its intended target.There was no sound, but she heard Finn call her name anyway. She felt him catch the saber, too, but she refused to look, only opening her eyes when Kylo pulled her harshly inward, towards him and away from her friends. Her freedom. Her weapon.“That was foolish of you.” Gloved hands held her shoulders and she straightened herself, looking up defiantly into his amused stare. “It wasn’t yours to give away.”“It wasn’t yours, either, but you would have taken it,” she shrugged. “You’ll have to be satisfied with just me.”
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 49
Kudos: 128
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TROS divergent, Rey takes Kylo's hand on the Star Destroyer and they explore his "other plans," which turn out to be not quite so dark as he says...
> 
> On the run from both the Resistance and the Final Order, Rey and Kylo come together on their own terms, to strengthen their bond and use the power of the dyad to defeat Palpatine without sacrificing themselves.

There was no sound in space, but Rey could hear it nonethless, the gnawing empty void nipping at her heels. She could feel Finn and Poe as well - and Chewie, thank the Force - free of the First Order’s clutches and closing in on her. 

Before her, Kylo extended his hand, wincing at the drum of engines beating against the atmospheric field generators as the  _ Falcon _ came closer. 

“You know what you have to do, Rey.” Maskless, his eyes implored her until she shut hers tightly, unable to look away.

She did know. She couldn’t let her friends be caught again. Chewie had been gone and it had broken her to think she had done it, she couldn’t let something like that happen again. 

He was right. There was something dark in her. Something that wanted, more than anything, to yield to him. Perhaps it would be satisfied with this one small thing. She could take his hand now and see what it meant and find a way out later, curiosity sated. Behind her, Finn’s presence flickered in the Force, stronger than it should have been, as if he were actively reaching out with it…

He was, she realized. How had she not noticed before? At her belt, the Skywalker saber flickered as well, and she nodded at it as if it were sentient, as if they were making this decision together.

_ Please, Finn. Figure it out. _

With her right hand, she reached for Kylo’s. His hand closed like a steel trap the moment her fingers touched the worn leather of his glove, pulling her in, his power flaring triumphantly around them, blinding him to her next movement. Tears filled her eyes as she turned and cast the unlit saber into space, pushing it with all her might through the artificial gravifield to its intended target.

There was no sound, but she heard Finn call her name anyway. She felt him catch the saber, too, but she refused to look, only opening her eyes when Kylo pulled her harshly inward, towards him and away from her friends. Her freedom. Her weapon.

“That was foolish of you.” Gloved hands held her shoulders and she straightened herself, looking up defiantly into his amused stare. “It wasn’t yours to give away.”

“It wasn’t yours, either, but you would have taken it,” she shrugged. “You’ll have to be satisfied with just me.”

He tilted his head, eyes glittering with interest, traveling over her face and lingering briefly on her lips. Rey staunchly suppressed a shudder, though she knew he was too in sync with her emotions to miss it.

Kylo Ren smiled very faintly and for a brief moment, she thought she saw a glimpse of something else, some _ one _ else. Someone she wanted desperately to know more about. With her hand still in his, he turned back to the unit of troopers and personnel behind him.

“Shall we go after the rebels, sir?” One of the First Order brass, an older man with cold eyes and gaunt features inquired, glancing at Rey as if she were an unpredictable pet on Kylo’s leash.

“Please,” she whispered, so low it was almost a voiceless plea.

“No need. They’ll come for her soon enough,” he answered coldly, squeezing her hand as if that comment might make her break and run. But she didn’t, there was nowhere to run to, and he was right. If Finn went back to Leia and they assembled a team, it would be best if she were still there when they came back for her. 

Suddenly his hand was gripping her wrist painfully tight, yanking it up and prying off her wrist comm before she could do more than scream and kick at his shins. Without a saber, she was no match for his strength physically, but when he tossed it to his lackey with careless abandon, ordering them to monitor the Rebel communications, she reached out her hand. She couldn’t win it back from them, but she could render it useless.

The gaunt officer hissed in shock and pain when white streaks of power shot out from her fingertips and fried the device, burning its core processors and rendering it a pile of half-melted scrap. Kylo, however, did not look even remotely surprised.

No, the look he was giving her was more akin to pleased, or…  _ interested... _ in a way that made her try to yank her other hand from his unyielding grip. It was no use, of course, so she took out her frustration on the nearby guards who had turned their weapons on her and were looking at their Supreme Leader for permission to fire, ripping the blasters from their hands. Kylo and the officer watched them rattle across the floor with similar expressions of disdain.

“Are you done with your little show of defiance?” He growled, holding a hand out to warn off the soldiers. Silently, Rey squared her shoulders and nodded.

“Good.” Kylo moved his hand to latch more firmly around her upper arm, fingers digging into the muscle almost painfully. “Monitor all known channels, General Pryde,” he directed the officer. “Inform me at once if the Resistance plans become known.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader. And what will you do, may I ask?”

“Question the girl. Privately.” His eyes slid over her in a too-familiar way, though Rey staunchly ignored it. “She may yet be turned. See that we are not disturbed.”

“Yes, sire,” General Pryde saluted formally and turned down a brightly-lit, sleek plasticrete corridor, followed by most of the Stormtroopers.

“This way,” Kylo directed pleasantly enough, leading her back to the quarters she had discovered earlier. Rey swallowed, but she knew when to hold her tongue, though he seemed uniquely suited to agitating her.

  
  
  
  


With the door sealed under several layers of security and coded locks, along with his thumbprint, Kylo finally seemed to relax, his whole posture changing, making him appear younger and more friendly. At least, he seemed that way to Rey, when he directed her to an interior room with a bed and a couch and directed her to sit while he laid his mask to rest on a well-organized white desk beside a datapad and display screen. Bizarrely, the desk also held a small stack of hand-made leather journals and an archaic but well-kept calligraphy set, as well as a stack of tomes she recognized as Jedi and Sith lore. She read the titles to herself as he went on discarding the mask that was Kylo Ren, draping his ragged cloak over the back of his chair and sitting on the edge of the bed to unlace his boots.

“Rey.”

She was startled to find him looking at her expectantly, as if he’d been speaking to her and was waiting for an answer.

“Yes?”

“I asked if you were hungry,” he said, eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

“Oh.” Rey eyed him cautiously, trying to decide if it were a means to an end, or simply an honest question. It was no use observing him with the Force as he appeared just as on edge as she was, all flickering waves of emotion, curious and needful and as intense as he always was, if not more so.

“Already busy plotting your escape?” His eyes caught hers widening and some ghost of amusement flared deep within their stormy depths. “Do you really believe you took my hand because you had no other choice? That you distracted me so your friends could flee?”

“I took your hand,” she defended coldly. “Does it matter why?”

“Yes,” he said simply, moving to stand directly in front of her. At a distance it was easy to forget just how much space he took up, but here, in the confined area of his quarters, he towered over her. “You took my hand because you wanted it.” He spoke quietly, but the tone was forceful. “Admit it, at least to yourself. You wanted me.” 

She shook her head in denial and he sighed, rolling his eyes and turning away to stare at the dimly-glowing blue holos displayed over the austere white of his desk. “What we have is special, Rey. You know it is. With this bond we could rule the galaxy -”

“I don’t want to rule the galaxy!” The venom in her voice surprised her, as did the speed with which she leapt to her feet. Unable to face him, to face what he spoke of, Rey turned away, blindly staring at the ancient tomes he’d obviously collected with great care on a nearby shelf. 

Images assaulted her - Unkar Plutt’s meaty hand on her arm, a woman crying, whispering her name, a man on his knees, promising her she would be safe, that life alone on Jakku was better than what awaited elsewhere… That same man’s voice resonating in her head, imploring her to stay, promising a return some day if she just waited there long enough… A gloves hand on her bare shoulder, warm and smooth, guiding her down a series of carved stone steps that melted seamlessly into the cave beneath Luke Skywalker’s island, where a younger version of Kylo Ren stared back at her out of the strange mirror, hand lifted to mimic hers against the glass… A cruel laugh that was both viscerally terrifying and eerily familiar, a young woman in a white dress holding a strange lightsaber with burnished copper threading and that same weapon in Ben Solo’s ungloved hand...

Tears filled her eyes until she couldn’t see and she heard herself gasping, gulping for air as her body shook with wave after wave of sobs. The feeling of arms around her, of a familiar presence surrounding her, stroking her hair and murmuring words of comfort, slowly brought her back to the present. That it was Kylo Ren who was standing there, comforting her and whispering to her, cupping her head in one hand in a gesture so very like his mother’s, only briefly surprised her. Rey had known - she had always known - this was who he truly was. With the door closed and his fragile power structure held at bay, the man himself was free to do as his heart demanded.

She clung to him, sobbing openly into the rough padding of his surcoat, until the storm inside her subsided and she was able to catch her breath. Slowly, they broke apart, though she didn’t feel the need to press for more distance when he only released her to his arm’s length.

“Did you - did you see?”

“Your parents.” He nodded. “They chose to be nobody. They sold you on Jakku to protect you.”

“There was more… I saw you, Ben -” his expression snapped closed and Rey turned away, unable to tolerate his denial as much as he was unable to tolerate hers. “Your mother -”

“Stop.” His hand tightened momentarily on her shoulder, not painfully, but enough to express urgency, and when she returned her eyes to his face she sensed his meaning. Whatever she had seen, it wasn’t safe to speak of it here.

Rey had no words to add. She sniffed loudly and freed one arm to wipe at her face, now certain despite her fear of him that she had made the right decision in taking his hand. He was at least partially right, they were meant to face this threat together, the Force vision of his mother made that clear enough.

“Why does Palpatine want me dead?” She asked, gathering herself enough to steer conversation towards something he was willing to discuss. “If I’m… If I’m his… Why would he want me dead?”

“Your father defied him. Hid you from him. Had he gotten to you when you were a child…” His expression grew shadowed and he released her suddenly, turning to stride over to a door further inside his quarters, presumably the refresher. “Stay here. I’ll get you a cloth for your face.”

Rey nodded, leaning back against Kylo Ren’s bed and gazing out at the stars through the viewscreen above it, trying to decide what to do… with him, with herself, with the galaxy around them… She didn’t want to rule, but she couldn’t help herself in wanting him, and it was clear now that he wanted her enough to be careless, not just because of her power or heritage but for his own, personal reasons.

Surely this man who held her and comforted her while she cried, who spoke to her so softly and intimately, who soothed her and cared about her enough to bring her a warm cloth to scrub her face of tears couldn’t be entirely lost to the dark. He hadn’t even gone after her friends, though he had all the might of a star destroyer and they had only the  _ Millenium Falcon _ and a lightsaber Finn could barely use.

_ Han and Leia raised him. Surely something of them survives in him. _

“Rey. We can defeat him together,” he said quietly, interrupting her thoughts while she cleaned her face. She handed him back the towel and he laid it carelessly on the bed beside her, coming to stand so close he was practically towering over her. “You can’t hide anymore. This is who you are.”

“People keep telling me they know who I am.” In her head, she could hear his mother’s words:  _ Never be afraid of who you are. _ Leia, the daughter of Darth Vader, had said that to her. She must have known, Rey realised, as did Luke. He refused to teach her, but Leia had gone ahead, knowing it would come to this one day. Had she also known about the complicated relationship between her student and her son?

Of course she had. Very little got by Leia Organa, and Rey had asked too many times about her son for her master not to take note of her interest. Perhaps… perhaps this was how they won. If Ben faced Palpatine with her, the two of them combined had a much better chance of defeating him. Leia and Luke would have known that, and moreover, they knew him - Ben Solo. The man staring down at her now with a softness in his dark eyes and lips that trembled, his chest heaving shallowly under all that thick armor. Force, she  _ wanted _ him. Not just as an ally, but for herself, to touch, to hold, to…

_ To have in your bed, _ a dark voice whispered in her mind. Rey lowered her gaze with difficulty. “I’m afraid no one does… I don’t even know myself…”

“I do.” Ben laid a hand over hers on the bed, his gloves gone along with the mask and cloak of Kylo Ren, his skin warm and dry over hers. It was Rey who finally bridged the distance between them, lifting her free hand to cup his face, to smooth the wild curls back from over his eyes. She tilted her face and leaned upwards as he leaned down and they met with all the heat of a boiling volcano crashing between them.

His lips were softer than she’d imagined, and his first taste of her was hesitant, too gentle for a man who claimed to have embraced the dark side completely. Rey had to invite him, sliding her fingers through his hair and pulling him closer, parting her mouth to breathe him in. That simple surrender was all it took - he was all around her then, his tongue filling her mouth, his body pressed against hers, his knees between her legs. She could hardly get a breath in as he pushed her up onto the bed and his hands skimmed over her body, sliding up her sides to caress her shoulders, dipping his thumbs into the hollows of her collarbone. He tasted like mint and kaf and smelled like the hot metallic tang of an ignited saber, and she was mad with the need to touch him, to discover him as he was discovering her.

She scratched at the padded surcoat he wore, fumbling for a seam, a button, something to undo to gain access to that wide expanse of pale muscle she still saw sometimes in her dreams. Her questing hands found his belt and tugged at the fastening, a whine of frustration escaping her throat when he pulled them away and broke their kiss.

“Rey, wait -”

“I'm admitting it, alright? I wanted to take your hand before. Please, Ben -” The shocking chime of an alert at the door interrupted them and it was over. Despite her willingness, he had scrambled back and was already collecting his helmet from the desk, casually assuming the mask of command.

“Stay here,” he ordered tersely, as if she had any choice.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey was seated in the middle of his bed, cross-legged with her eyes closed when he returned, her expression so serene and open it froze him at the door. All he could do was stand and stare at this beautiful Jedi who did not belong on a ship full of emotionless sycophants and cruel, arrogant people who would destroy everything good in the galaxy if it meant their own ascension. And she was a Jedi, despite her admission that she wanted forbidden things, despite the shocking display of Force lightning, he knew Rey's spirit well. Snoke had been right, there was no doubt she had the heart of a true Jedi.

Maybe a Jedi was what he needed. Kylo Ren had struggled with being Supreme Leader since he came to power, his sheer strength of will and potent Force abilities the only things keeping the wolves of the First Order at bay. In the past months, he'd relied on his knights to extend his will in multiple places when he could not personally administer to every planet and petty officer who questioned his orders, but he had no illusions about their loyalty either.

Enter the Emperor, and by extension, General Pryde. He took off his helmet, and Rey turned, her light hazel eyes finding his with a faint, teasing smile.

"What took you so long?"

"General Pryde found a transmission from the Resistance about you. It's from my mother. She's ordered them not to interfere," he laid down the helmet on his desk and went on removing the rest of the mask that was Kylo Ren, the heavy boots and the ragged cloak, the padded armor Rey had been so eager to have off of him earlier.

When he sat beside her, there was only Ben Solo. He knew it, and he knew now that she knew it too, so there was no point in hiding it. He was what he was, just as Rey the Jedi would never be anything else, despite how they were drawn to each other. "Rey, you can't stay here."

"Why not? This is what you wanted, isn't it?" She looked genuinely confused, though it didn't seem to bother her, as her presence in the Force was still a steady, stubbornly pure glow.

"I can't turn you. I thought if I - if we -" He bit the inside of his cheek before he said too much, but he should have known he couldn't hide from her.

"You thought you could seduce me, and I would turn." 

"Yes."

Again, Rey looked amused rather than insulted or disgusted. Her hand found his on the bed and she moved closer, craning her head to peer up at his face. When she spoke, it was a whisper, a reminder of other conversations in other places, where she had offered herself to him before and he'd been too foolish to understand it. "How do you know it wouldn't work?"

"What makes you think it would?" He countered instead. "Or is it you who wants to seduce me?"

Rey's eyes widened and she sat back, watching him carefully like a predator waiting for the opportunity to pounce, and that simple response gave her away. Of course, he would be the one to turn. There was darkness in Rey, of that he had no doubt, but there was more light in him. It had always been there, calling to him in voices he longed to hear, just as Palpatine had apparently called to him through the dark.

"You're not a very good manipulator, Rey," he said humorlessly. 

"I wasn't trying to manipulate you. Ben, please, I just want to -"

"I know what you want. And I'm going to give it to you, but first we have to get you out of here." She blinked, shocked at his words, her desire reaching out for him with a welcoming caress through the Force. He shook his head to clear it, climbing to his feet again. "I'm taking you back to Jakku. There are answers there that you need to see."

"Alright." For some reason she looked relieved, if a bit disappointed. Her eyes followed him as he stalked through his bedroom to his closet, where he found what he'd had made in the very back. Sorting through the items, he found a dark, hooded cloak, slim dark leggings and a tight-fitting leather bodice with armor to go over it. Gloves, soft and supple brown leather that wound all the way to the elbow and similarly-designed boots completed his find, and he dropped it all unceremoniously on top of his bed.

Rey eyed it all askance, looking up at him searchingly. "Ben? What is this?"

"I've always wanted you by my side. Since I first found you." He shrugged. It was nothing for the Supreme Leader to have a few sets of women's clothing commissioned, and everyone had heard of his strange connection with the young Jedi woman. His staff had barely batted an eye when he'd put in the order and rattled off her measurements from memory. "I hoped you would one day want the same, and when you did, you would need to look the part."

Rey was picking over the clothing, hardly even bothering to pay him any attention, though he could sense her unease. Choosing to ignore it, he jerked his head at the refresher door and took a seat at his desk to begin packing away the books he thought they might need. "I'll leave you alone to change."

"Ben." She stood beside the bed, still looking incredibly uncomfortable. "I don't want to -"

"You have to look the part, Rey. There are too many eyes here, and we'll be traveling with my knights. Palpatine sees more than we can guess, and I don't trust any of the old Imperials." He turned, meeting her growing scowl of distaste. "We have to be careful."

"Fine." She picked through the items, taking everything but the cloak and gloves and disappearing into the refresher. He tried to turn his attention elsewhere, his mind straying to the fact that Rey was one room away, removing her clothing in private when he so desperately wanted to undress her with his own hands.

There would be time for that, hopefully soon. When they were free of this ship, he would send his knights somewhere to gather information, Korriban or Mustafar or somewhere, and while they were gone, he and Rey would come up with a plan. There was no help for it, they would have to face Palpatine eventually, but together they had a better shot of ending him once and for all. Rey would need a lightsaber, as well, since she had casually thrown away his grandfather's to her traitorous friend. It was just as well, he decided after a moment's thought. As a Jedi, she ought to have one that she made for herself. 

With that idea in mind, he went to the front room of his quarters rather than wait on her any longer, sparing a scowl for the destroyed vacuum-sealed chest he had kept the old relic of Darth Vader in, trying not to dwell on the many years he had spent meditating over it, thinking he was communing with his ancestor. If Palpatine was telling the truth, and it was Rey's progenitor he had been speaking with all along, why had the real Darth Vader never interceded? 

Or had he tried and been unable to reach through the shadows of the dark side and Kylo Ren’s cruel mentors?

_ Or Palpatine, of course. _

He cleared his thoughts with a trick he had grown adept at under Snoke's cruel hand, calling forth a sort of focused absence inside his head, letting his actions follow their natural path without realizing each step in his mind. He had kept few secrets from his dead master, but those he did keep had paid off so far, and the exercise had been useful when he found himself facing the dead emperor. Rey seemed to have a naturally quiet mind, a trait he envied greatly even as he prayed it would be enough to keep the machinations of the ancient Sith at bay. It was her he focused on in the spare corners of his mind as he let his hands and arms gather the supplies they required, his fierce scavenger - and all of the things he imagined doing to her as soon as they were alone. If the old psychopath was going to root around in his head, he might as well know right now how much Kylo Ren wanted to fuck his granddaughter.

_ That's right, you bastard. She might have your blood, but she belongs to me. Snoke tried to end her and I ended him, I'll do the same to anyone else who threatens her. _


	3. Chapter 3

Jakku was much the same as Rey remembered it, empty, grimy and hopeless. It seemed some other thug had taken over from Unkar Plutt, still running N’iima Outpost with the same emotionless iron fist. Their enforcers had proven to be useless against Kylo’s knights, although Rey didn’t see the need for them to cut down the ragtag band so cruelly. Kylo hadn’t so much as ignited his saber and he held her back as well, although she had no weapon other than her Force ability at hand.

While the denizens of the outpost and some of her former neighbors looked on, Rey had led them out to her old AT-AT, where a scrawny old duros had taken up residence in her absence. She wasn’t surprised, it was a prize piece of real estate for Jakku and she had guarded it fiercely, sometimes with bloodshed, but after the scene with the knights, she had taken initiative and begun yelling at the man in the local dialect before any weapons were drawn.

_ “What do you think you’re doing? This place is mine!” _

_ “No, no! Years you have been gone, I claimed fairly!” _ He growled back at her only until the knights behind her, Kylo first among them, came closer, then he waved his hands over his head in submission.  _ “Please, please! You take back, I not fight! No trouble!” _

“Good,” Rey said firmly, waving a hand to disarm him of the small knife he was gripping. She sent it flying out into the desert in a wide arc and the gangly man ran after it as well as he could in the sand.

Satisfied he would remain out of the way, she turned to step inside and only just caught one of the knights - Vicrul? - speaking deferentially to Kylo. “Should we eliminate the squatter, my lord?”

“No,” Rey spoke before she could stop herself, feeling a surge of panic followed by resolute apology in the Force that linked them. Realizing her mistake, she reached to grab his arm, but it was too late, Vicrul had already taken off after the poor man and his dying scream soon echoed over the empty sands. Tears pricking her eyes, Rey turned and stepped back inside, ignoring the looming presence behind her.

“He wasn’t hurting anything,” she hissed, quickly sifting through the few personal items neatly arranged in the small space. There was a compartment hidden behind the tiny hammock bed which she found by memory even after all this time, her fingers tracing the slightly-raised outline of steel and prying it open. Inside, she found what she expected to find, mementos of her past, a cheap, carved wooden comb and a simple ring of matte gray metal with etching inside that she couldn’t read, though her fingertips knew its pattern by heart.

“Rey,” the low voice, made harsh by the voice modulator of his helmet, brought her back to the present. He held out his hand and Rey closed her eyes, feeling his intentions clearly.

“Please. They’re all I have.” She clutched the items close, eyes squeezed shut to ward off more tears.

“It’s time to stop chasing your past,” he insisted, gripping her arm firmly and pulling her wrist to him. “Don’t force me to take them.”

“Why even come here if you were only going to do this?” She shook her head, but she let him pry the ring and the comb from her hands. She had already mourned their loss years ago when she and Finn had fled Jakku as fugitives, and thinking about her mindset then made it easier to let them go again now. 

Still, he had been the one to decide to come back here, and if this was the only purpose, it made no sense. “I don’t understand, why bring me here?”

“Because you need to let  _ go _ , Rey. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be. You’re more than them, more than him.” She couldn’t see his expression through the mask and the modulator made it hard to discern his tone, but she could feel his conviction in the Force and she nodded slowly.

Even understanding the reasoning, it still hurt to watch him crush the old comb in his hand, the fragile, untempered wood cracking and splintering into the pieces. Rey lowered her head and tugged up the dark hood of her thin cloak, the deep gray fabric stiff and unfamiliar in her hands. Still, it served its purpose, hiding her face from the Knights of Ren, and when Kylo took her arm, she was ready to face him again.

“The ship’s graveyard, where you scavenged before. How far is it?”

“Ten minutes by speeder,” she answered, noting the most recent resident of the AT-AT had a similar vehicle parked under a tarp nearby. “If it works.”

Kylo ignored her while she examined it, instead addressing his knights in a cold, emotionless tone. “Go back and guard the ship. These scavengers are probably crawling all over it.”

“Yes, my lord. When will you return?”

“When my apprentice finishes building her lightsaber,” he told them gruffly. When the leader of the group  _ tsked _ arrogantly and the rest appeared equally unmotivated to follow orders, Kylo lifted his gloved hand and pointed menacingly at Vicrul. “Don’t leave without us.”

“Of course not. Sir,” the man made a show of bowing before leading the rest off and Kylo watched them disappear over the first sand bluff before turning his attention back to Rey, who was waiting for them to leave as well.

“Well?” He barked as if she were another of his followers and Rey glowered until he unlatched his helmet and revealed his face, hair and brow damp with the desert heat. “Does that thing run?”

She shrugged. “Hopefully.”

“Rey… The scavenger -”

“Don’t apologize, you don’t mean it,” she snapped irritably, swinging herself under the landspeeder to pry open the engine panel. It was easy enough to hotwire and started with a healthy whir, maintaining itself in the air while she slammed the panel closed and climbed aboard.

Kylo stood staring at her with an unreadable darkness in his eyes, his brow furrowed in thought, so distracted she had to call out to him twice. When he blinked and strode over to climb up behind her, Rey almost laughed at the idea that she’d taken the monstrous Kylo Ren by surprise.

“Communing with your new master?”

“No.” His jaw worked before he put his helmet back on to cover it and Rey turned towards the path ahead of them, still not a fan of the mask. She jolted slightly when he put his hands on her waist, though he was careful to hold her as politely as possible. Those hands easily spanned the whole curve of her hip, and it was hard to think without imaging how they would feel moving over her body, ungloved, his bare fingers touching her skin.

They weren’t far from her old home when he adjusted his grip, widening his hands so his thumbs gently rubbed her hipbones and his fingers splayed out over her thighs. Rey tensed, gripping the handlebars of the speeder hard enough to make it jump, and she heard something light a chuckle through the mask.

“I sensed your thoughts. You don’t have to hide them from me, Rey. I’ll give you anything you want,” he promised, inciting a shiver down her spine even though she would have preferred to hear it in his natural voice.

“This isn’t the place,” she mumbled through the haze of warmth hotter than Jakku’s sands blazing in her mind and body.

“No. But it has to happen sometime.”

“Does it?” 

They were quiet until Rey approached the towering wreckage of the Imperial Star Destroyers, then she breached the silence to point out the individual ships. The  _ Ravager _ , by far the largest, flanked by a scattering of downed ties and a few Rebel A-Wings. The  _ Interceptor _ and the  _ Convergence _ . It was the shadow of the Ravager she chose to stop the speeder beneath, hopping down and out of Kylo’s hands before he could stop her.

It felt strange, almost dream-like, to be here in the shadows of her old life again when everything about her had changed so much. No longer did she scan everything around her with an eye for its value, though sometimes she was still surprised by the simple luxuries afforded to life in the rest of the galaxy. Soap and fresh water, for instance, and fresh bread, those things would never get old. She used to be afraid, when she’d first come to the Resistance, that this life of luxury and meaning would be taken from her once they found out who she really was - a nobody scavenger from nowhere - but since she discovered the Force, that worry had been gradually pacified.

Now she worried anew of what the future held, if she faced Palpatine with Ben at her side and won. Would they let her come back to the Resistance when they found out who her grandfather was? And if it truly was Ben at her side, Ben Solo, the only son of the most famous princess and scoundrel in the galaxy, would Poe and Rose and even Finn accept her word that he was changed? 

Would he even change?

“Don’t think about me,” the man himself interrupted her thoughts as if he could hear them. His voice was normal again and she was relieved to see the helmet was off as he strolled around the battered interior of the wrecked starship. He flashed her an amused look. “It’s too warm.”

“Then you’ll want it at night. If we’re still here…”

“It took me two days to build my first lightsaber,” he shrugged, finding a piece of broken plasticrete surface to sit on and laying his helmet and cloak beside him, clearly prepared to wait.

Rey smiled thinly. “You’re a spoiled prince. I’ve been scavenging my whole life and never had the luxury of time.”

“This isn’t something you can rush,” he argued gently, reaching into his pocket and withdrawing a bundle of frayed cloth to hand out to her. Rey took it carefully, sensing something of great value lay within, and she was proven correct when her careful investigation resulted in a handful of cloudy pinkish-gray and amber-green crystals. The color was different, but she recognized the steady hum of Force power from them as the same she’d felt when repairing the Skywalker saber. 

Kylo nodded smugly at her breathy gasp. “Kyber crystals. I’ve been collecting them over the years, hidden from Snoke.”

“Ben, I can’t -”

“You can, and you will.” He caught her gaze and held it intently. “You can do this, Rey.”

She closed her hand around the small collection of crystals and nodded, dropping into a cross-legged position on the floor. 

“Close your eyes,” Ben’s voice guided her. Without the visual reminder of his title, he was only Ben, and she trusted him as much as she trusted Finn or Leia. “Open your hand. Listen to them. Each crystal has a unique song. Find the one that resonates within you…”

  
  
  


It took her only a few minutes to pick out her crystals, but nearly ten hours to find the design she wanted and pick out the parts from the wreckage. A power supply from a broken datapad, its connectors healed with the skill she had learned repairing the saber they had broken. The main hilt was double-sided with the power supply in the middle, taken from the mid-section of her old staff which Ben had brought up from their ship by a very bored Knight of Ren. Couplings taken from an officer’s electric baton, too delicate to transport across the sands and not powerful enough to be worth it, but perfect for the inner workings of a laser weapon. Other parts scavenged from the massive graveyard and a few unnecessary wires from their speeder, all of them were laid out painstakingly on the frayed cloth before her.

“This is the hardest part,” Ben warned her quietly. “Every piece has to come together at the same time.”

Swallowing, Rey nodded and focused on the image in her mind, letting everything else fade away. She was good at that, finding her center, so long as her other half wasn’t distracting her by playing with their connection. This was different though, she had to clear her mind while focusing on one specific, detailed thing, and it all had to balance perfectly. Any extra attention paid to some part she was worried about, like the quality of the copper wiring or the slight discrepancy in size between her chosen crystals, and it came apart with Rey struggling to keep all the pieces from dropping and scattering across the sandswept floor.

She growled in frustration as she brought the pieces down carefully once again, opening her eyes after wiping away the sweat that had dripped down into them. Her hair was soaked and stuck to the side of her head in itchy pieces, and she had long ago discarded the hooded cloak she’d been gifted, along with the stifling body armor.

“Here.” Ben stood over her -  _ her _ Ben, wavy hair a tangled mess from the wind and sweat, most of his outer wear also discarded against the oppressive heat. He held out a canteen and Rey took it eagerly, swallowing small sips, careful to conserve it out of habit. “If you’re worried about the parts coming together, perhaps you should find better parts.”

“I’m not worried. Once they’re together it will work fine. I just… need to fit them together right.” She scowled when he only shrugged and went back to his perch on the tall piece of wreckage overlooking her workspace.

“Only you can know. Just believe in yourself.”

She just barely stopped herself from a biting commentary on how that was a particularly ironic suggestion coming from him, but it seemed he picked up on the gist of it in her mind anyway. He chuckled again, and she turned to see him pour a few drops of water over his head and proceed to shake it vigorously so the cooling liquid spread through his tangled hair.

As if she wasn’t distracted enough already.

“Should I wait outside?”

“No,” Rey glanced up at him, letting her eyes linger momentarily on his faintly twitching lips. “Just out of eyesight.”

“Sure.”

It took another hour and the sun was rapidly disappearing below the horizon when she finally fit the entire thing together and welded it closed with the Force, the finished weapon dropping into her outstretched hand with a satisfying  _ thunk. _ Her tired gasp of delight brought Ben, sliding into the room like an overgrown feline pet, a look of genuine excitement glinting his dark eyes.

“Well?”

“I did it!” Rey grinned, hopping to her feet and rushing to throw her arms around him without thinking. “I didn’t think I would, I was starting to give up, but -”

“Rey -” It was just her name, but the way he said it, so quiet and forceful, stopped her. She let go of him and his hand cupped her elbow, preventing her from moving away completely while he lifted his other hand to caress her cheek, drawing her gaze to his.

The hunger there held her frozen, until he kissed her again, this time without hesitation. His lips moved devouringly over hers, his teeth catching her bottom lip and forcing her to open to the onslaught of his greedy tongue. Rey stood still, unable to do more than squeeze his biceps in her hands, torn between trying to hold him back and inviting more. He backed her into a wall and continued to kiss her breathless, like he were dying of thirst and she the only water source for miles, and Rey’s fear of being overwhelmed slowly abated when he pushed for nothing more than access to her mouth.

She’d been kissed before, stolen intervals between teenagers, and once a very drunk Poe Dameron, but nothing like this. It was as if her every nerve was awash in the warm glow of a kyber crystal, so brilliant and entrancing she never wanted to stop. If anything, she wanted more, she wanted to touch his skin, to feel his mouth on other places, to have his weight cover her like it had on his bed…

It was Ben who drew away first, pausing to rest his forehead against hers as they both gathered themselves.

“Ben.” She swallowed after gasping his name and his eyes followed the movement of her throat.

“Not here,” he said firmly, finally stepping away from her and inclining his head at her lightsaber. “Show me.”

Blinking, Rey took a step away from the wall and held it out with the hilt vertical in her hand, flipping the power switch for that side only first. He looked surprised to see the color of the warm golden blade, his lips working as he bit the inside of his mouth thoughtfully.

With a quick grin, Rey flipped it sideways and hit the switch in the center, lighting both ends, the other blade a cool silver-white. Ben huffed in a clear show of surprise and approval.

“I’m impressed.”

“I’m sorry that it took so long. It had to be  _ right _ .” 

“Of course it did.” He offered her another approving glance, lips twitching in what might, almost, have been a genuine smile. “Now, we’re ready.”

“For what?”

“Anything, sweetheart. Anything.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't mean for this to take so long when I started, but um... Life comes at you fast, you know? I've lost my mother, my grandmother and a very close cousin in less than 4 months and it's just been... A lot. I try to keep writing, because I know it's good for me, but at the moment it's a struggle to do anything that's good for me, so updates are going to be very sporadic. I know you all understand and TROS was a blow to a lot of us, but I am so beyond that right now, it barely registers. When I can think clearly and be myself, I still rant about it cause ranting about Star Wars is also a hobby that helps me cope, but yeah... It's pretty dark in my corner of existence right now. I'm still here, I'm not going on indefinite hiatus, but I also have no schedule. If you want to keep up with updates, the best thing is to follow me on Twitter @khawapashi (I follow back, I promise)

While his other half was engaged in the grueling process of lightsaber construction, Kylo busied himself and his knights with plans to seek out certain places in the galaxy he knew of, places of power, Sith places. Exegol was old by the standards of the New Republic, but it wasn't that old, there were plenty of older places, truly ancient and lost to time, known only as legends even among the Jedi.

Places he had hunted for alongside Luke Skywalker when he went looking for the origins of the Jedi, and some he had even set foot on. They weren't what he needed to advance his plans for Rey, but they were steeped in the dark side and full of unknown dangers, perfect for distracting his knights. He had given Vicrul a map before they set out to the graveyards of the Battle of Jakku, making him promise to keep it secret and unopened, which of course meant the man was as of now plotting the nearest coordinates on their ship's navicomputer.

"The map I gave you," he spoke quietly into his wrist comm, "Do you still have it?"

"Yes, my lord. I have not opened it."

_ Lying snake _ . He said nothing out loud, of course, allowing his knights to believe he was as careless and easily blinded as they were was a tactic he had employed from the beginning.

"Open it. I want you to find the old altar on Dathomir, the one used by the witches before they were wiped out." It was a known coordinate at least, though the trek through the swamp and the cursed spirits of the dead there were difficulty enough. "Make it ready for us, if you can. Take Ap'lek and Kuruk with you. The others are to remain at N'iima Outpost and secure us another transport."

"I will relay your orders. I know of the Dathomiri Witches. It will be interesting to see their home."

_ Interesting is not the word I'd choose.  _ Kylo felt himself start to smile grimly and instead forces his lips into a scowl. With any luck, the witches would prove the end of at least one of the Knights of Ren, if not all three. They had certainly proven more than a match for Luke Skywalker, and despite his enmity, he would bet on his uncle over any one of his knights. Hopefully the three he chose to remain with them were smart enough not to cause a scene when they 'secured' another ship for their departure, though he highly doubted it would happen without incident. Rey wouldn't like the idea of stealing, let alone their methods, and he really didn't want to have to make another demonstration to convince them of his intentions with her.

He spent the rest of the time either researching for his actual plans, watching Rey work whenever she was climbing about and engrossed in the layout of her project, and meditating when she did, to keep from being a distraction all by himself. The last thing she needed was interference from their unmastered and unpredictable link, or even worse, the sudden attention of outside malevolence.

Kylo had not spent years learning to cloak his inner thoughts from Snoke only to have another come and ruin his efforts, but Rey was half-trained at best and there was no meditation or power strong enough to make useless the ties of blood. Not so long as they were the closest ties she had to any living thing. He was grateful to his mother for taking over her training (and teaching her strategy along with Force tactics, something Luke knew very little about) but the only thing that could really keep her grandfather permanently at bay was to solidify their bond in such a way that it took precedence in Rey's subconscious. And it had to be done before they faced him, Palpatine was a master puppeteer and they risked too much otherwise.

Like with her lightsaber, however, it was Rey who would have to make the most important sacrifice, and it had to be willing. There was no washing clean the blood already on his hands, Kylo understood that perhaps more than she did, but this was a sin he would not add to his list of crimes. If Rey balked, it would likely be their undoing and still he would rather die at her side than betray her so cruelly as to take her against her will.

The thought gave him pause. Would he really throw his life away for her? For a scavenger, a half-trained Jedi, a  _ Palpatine? _

_ Yes. A thousand times, yes. _

He sensed something, a call from far away, a presence he hadn't felt in years and his eyes snapped open, dropping him out of his meditation. It was there in one breath and gone the next, but he felt it -  _ her  _ \- enough to know he wasn't alone. 

After so long in the shadow, fighting to ignore the myriad of voices calling to him from the light, the shock of it threw him off-guard so that when Rey came out of her trance, completed saber held triumphantly in her hands, he lost himself in her. It was a different kind, but Rey's light engulfed him, burning away years and years of solitude, a warmth he let himself be utterly consumed by until he sensed her hunger rising to meet his and knew he had to be the voice of reason.

Once he'd verified that her weapon was complete and Rey was with him in the moment, he summoned the knights he'd ordered to stay behind and demanded an update on their quest to secure a transport. Unfortunately, Jakku really wasn't a bustling hive for spacefarers and the pickings were minimal.

"Nothing here but an old fighter and a frigate with no hyperdrive," Ushara informed him. 

"I might be able to repair it, if the rest of the ship is in order," Rey surprised him by offering, before he could make a decision.

"Take control of both, but do it quietly," he replied, emphasizing the last word. "There are Resistance spies everywhere, and they'll be looking for their pet Jedi. Not everyone takes the general's orders without question."

"We hear you, my lord. The locals won't hear a single scream," Ushara promised darkly. Rey scowled at that, though he hardly needed a physical display of the disapproval he could feel rolling off of her in waves through the Force.

"I hope that means you'll be keeping out of sight and minimizing damage," Kylo growled into his wrist comm. "Missing people will be obvious in a place this small."

"A few of the hutt's thugs won't be missed by anyone, sir."

Rey rolled her eyes, though Kylo could sense even she wasn't that concerned about the death of a few small-time gangsters. He answered her unspoken commentary with an equally irritable shrug and told Ushara to do what she felt was necessary and contact him when they had a ship.

"It's going to get cold soon," Rey informed him after a moment of watching the sky on the horizon turn a brilliant violet-orange. Kylo tilted his head, waiting to see if she had any suggestions, but Rey merely shrugged and clipped her new lightsaber to her belt, then went to find her cloak.

"It won't take them long."

"I'm sure it won't, but in the meantime -"

"BEN!" She lunged at him suddenly, throwing all of her weight into toppling him, sending them both crashing to the ground. He landed heavily, just able to reach out to the Force and cushion his fall so his head didn't hit hard on the plastocrete.

For a brief second, his arms were full of her and her scent wrapped around him while his hands gripped firm, supple curves, but the distraction didn't last. Blaster fire hit just above them, scoring the wall where his head had been, the engines of an X-Wing buzzing over the wreckage as it swung around for another shot.

"That kriffing idiot," Rey muttered, crawling off of him and moving further into the darkening bowels of the mangled star destroyer. "Come on, hurry, he's fast."

Kylo took her lead, though he made a much larger silhouette scrambling on his hands and knees after her. She had clambered up the wall behind a thick shield of transparisteel that had once been the window into a hangar and would be reinforced against firing starships.

"Friend of yours?"

"Sort of. That's Poe Dameron, I recognize his style." She frowned over his shoulder. "What do we do?"

"I thought General Organa ordered them not to interfere. Funny that her orders carry such little weight among the Resistance now," he observed. 

"Poe has never been good at listening to orders," Rey sighed. "If he's here, that means Finn and Chewie are somewhere nearby, too." They ducked down under another barrage of fire from the X-Wing, though Rey's eyes caught his and seemed to pin his very soul. "Promise me you won't hurt them."

"Your friends are very important to you." He already knew this about her, but using them to ensure her willing consent had worked before. Perhaps their appearance was fortuitous in a way.

"Ben."

He could feel the righteous anger spiking within her, and wondered how far she would go if it came down to a choice between her Resistance friends and him. A static-garbled call came from his wrist comm, interrupting his thoughts, though he couldn't make out Ushara's words.

" - have orders from above -" her cruel voice came through, minus the voice modulator she wore over her scarred mouth. "You understand, I'm sure."

"What orders -" Fire from the opposite side of the desert around them erupted and Rey cursed, grabbing his hand and pulling him deeper into the ruins. Together they ran, her hand in his the only guide he had in the near-dark, jumping over piles of scorched hull and bleached bone, into the very center between the towering destroyers where only the most insane of pilots would attempt to breach.

"They're both shooting at us," Rey panted. "Why are your knights shooting at you?"

"I don't know. Why is Poe Dameron shooting at you?"

She shook her head, like she couldn't quite believe it was happening, and he had to agree it was absurd. "We don't have time for this," he added, scowling up at the night sky visible above the crumbling towers of twisted metal. Suddenly the stars were obscured and he sensed something in the Force, another player he would never have expected, and laughed out loud.

Lights flared, illuminating the familiar silhouette, and Rey squeezed his hand, watching the ship carefully manuever as far down as it could go. 

"Chewie," she grinned at him, a flash of inspiration reaching his mind from hers. "Come on!"

"What? No, Rey -"

  
  


Somehow, he ended that night as her prisoner, although being cuffed and sitting on her bunk in the captain's chambers wasn't entirely all bad. He was floored, however, when he answered a firm knock and found himself face to face with someone he never expected to see again.

" _ Hey, kid, _ " the wookie warbled.

The stance was tall and meant to intimidate, but the blue eyes held decades of pain and emotions he couldn't even begin to describe. Maybe it was the way he looked at him, knowing everything that he'd done and still seeing Ben Solo beneath it all, or maybe it was the fact that he immediately removed the binders, even after - after -

"I'm glad you were freed. It would have been complicated if I had to manufacture an escape."

_ "So family still means something to you," _ Chewie warbled, bending slightly to force eye contact. If he had yelled or cursed, or even been cruelly indifferent, he might have kept himself in check, but the gentle sympathy in those familiar blue eyes was too much.

"I -" he swallowed thickly and Chewie came closer, securing the door to the cabin behind him. He hid from the wookie's compassion, turning his gaze blindly to the floor, while his litany of sins flashed through his mind in vivid detail. He felt his vision blur with emotion and didn't dare look up, but there was no hiding the way his voice cracked. "I didn't want to -"

_ "I know. He knew it, too. We missed you, Ben. All of us." _

"I'm sorry," Ben gasped, reeling from the admission like the wookie had fired his bowcaster straight through his chest. It hurt more, in fact, wracking his whole body so hard he could barely breathe. "I'm sorry -"

Huge, furry arms wrapped around his shoulders, crushing his head against the soft strands of the wookie's chest. There were no words to define the decade of pain, the years of denying himself, if hating who and what he was so much that he'd thought murdering his father would take it all away. He cried, though it felt more like drowning, huge, heavy sobs that left him desperately gulping in air, and Chewie just let him, holding his head and occasionally growling low and soothing.

Eventually, he felt a tentative touch through the link between them, and Rey knocked at the door, her voice soft. "Chewie?"

_ "The girl," _ he said finally, while Ben tried to breathe normally.  _ "She believes in you. Don't fuck it up." _

He had to laugh. Of course he was going to fuck it up. He was a Solo, after all. A Solo  _ and  _ a Skywalker. 

"Those are slim odds, but I'll try," he sighed, following the towering old wookie out of the room. 

Chewie led him to the canteen, where Rey and the deserter were sitting across from each other, arguing in harsh whispers.

"I still don't get it. Why did he need you to have a lightsaber? It's like he expected to put you in danger and make you fight for him -"

"No it's not! Finn, this whole mission is dangerous. Palpatine is dangerous and Ben's right, we have to face him together," Rey spoke urgently, a hint of panic rising in her voice as FN-2187 shook his head. "He's right, you can't come, it's too risky and we don't know what we'll be facing. Please, listen to me!"

"No. Absolutely not, Rey. You're not going anywhere alone with him," he hissed firmly, standing from the table when he saw Chewie, his sharp eyes narrowing to a scowl when they fell on Ben. "And why isn't he in binders?!"

" _ Leave him be _ ," the wookie groaned, waving an arm behind him as he headed toward the cockpit. 

"What? Chewie no, not you too!" The man looked between Ben and the retreating wookie with a furious gleam in his eyes, one hand resting near the familiar heirloom saber on his belt. He settled on Ben, or rather on the distinctive lightsaber still clipped to his belt, and their eyes locked as Ben looked down and then back up.

"Come on, you can't just let him wander around like that!" 

Seeing the opportunity for what it was, Ben removed his lightsaber and held it, hilt outward with his hand closed lightly near the venting, catching Rey's eye over her friend's shoulder. "Take it," he suggested with a shrug.

She got up more slowly than he expected, especially with the spike of concern he could sense through their bond, but the tension in the room immediately changed focus. He was dimly aware of the traitor saying her name, but Ben had eyes only for Rey. What her friends did or said mattered little, she had already made it clear that she intended to go to Exegol and fight beside him, and that was all he needed to know to trust her.

Her eyes, wide and full of unspoken emotions he didn't dare hope for, never left him as she came forward, nudging the ex-stormtrooper out of the way. Her fingers brushed his as she grasped the weapon in a quick, soothing touch that spoke volumes. 

"I'll keep it with me," she told him in a private voice. "I promise, Ben."

"I trust you, sweetheart." 

He stepped back when she did, though he didn't miss the little parted-mouth gasp as his words registered. Rey smiled at him once before turning to her gaping friend, who seemed torn between yelling at her or attacking, unable to decide which until she pushed past him to follow Chewie.

"Rey! What the hell was that?! Why did he call you 'sweetheart?'" He ran after her down the curved hall, and Ben could just see them ahead of him, Rey looking annoyed while he tugged on her arm. "Tell me what's going on, did he get into your head, did he hurt you?"

"No! Finn, we don't have time for this! We have to get to -"

"Va'lona," Ben put in quietly. "That's where we were going, when you finished your lightsaber -"

"I thought we were going to meet your knights on Dathomir or some… some Sith place…" She stopped, eyes on him even though FN-2187 was incredulously mouthing the words 'Sith place' and raised a hand to the lightsaber she'd given him.

"No. You're not a Sith, Rey."

"But you -"

"You know I'm not. You've always known."

There was silence after he joined them in the hall, tense and awkward, and Ben Solo had never been so glad to hear a wookie's yowl in his life. It was the stormtrooper who answered grumpily, trudging ahead of Rey, and he followed her lead, settling in the seat behind her when she took over the pilot's chair.

"Where is it? The place you wanted to go," she asked, opening the astrogation panels with a practiced ease.

"Va'lona. It's in the Mon Cala system," he gave her the coordinates under Chewie's curious gaze, pointing out the particular planet when Rey brought up the holo map. "Here. It's an old place, from when the Sith and the Jedi were still one order. There's an altar there we need to find, to give us the strength to defeat Palpatine."

"The Prime Order. I've read about them in one of Luke's books," Rey sounded surprised. 

"How do you even know about this place? And how do we know you're not lying and it really is a Sith altar? We are not going to a Sith altar -"

"Because I've been there before with Luke Skywalker," Ben snapped tiredly at the man. He understood the ex-stormtrooper was acting out of concern for Rey, so he was doing his best to check in his temper, but the man was quickly wearing on his nerves. "And if you want to know if I'm telling the truth, why don't you just use the Force?"

"What?" 

"Finn!" Rey split a shocked glance between them, her narrowed eyes settling on her friend. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I've been trying to, but we keep getting cut off," he smirked at her obvious surprise and Ben felt himself frowning.

"You didn't feel him in the Force?" It seemed odd for her to miss something so glaringly obvious, although he had to admit, he had no idea what sort of training she'd gotten in that regard from his mother or Luke. Still, the man stood out like a beacon, he'd sensed it back on Jakku, when he refused to fire on the Church of the Force fanatics.

Chewie growled at them all to sit down and pick a destination, claiming they were going to give him a headache, and like a trio of school children, they all sat down. Quietly, after Rey put in the coordinates and they launched into hyperspace, the ex-stormtrooper leaned over from his seat behind Chewie and spoke in a hushed whisper.

"Alright, Solo. How do I do this mind-reading thing?"

Ben blinked, taking a moment to process the abrupt shift in tone, then huffed derisively. 

"Did you just call me 'Solo?'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another missed opportunity I had to write so I can stop ranting about it - Finn interacting with the former Kylo Ren.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If I'm going to play with the Rebels, I may as well look like one." He stopped with a rumpled long-sleeve sweater and dark brown vest in hand, then casually dropped a found blaster on top of the clothes, sliding the compartment shut. "I outgrew my father's clothes when I was thirteen, but we'll see if this fits."
> 
> And then he proceeded to strip off his cloak, padded armor, and the tunic underneath it while Rey stared in fascination, belatedly turning her head when he glanced up. She could hear the smirk in his voice, and felt her face flush when he spoke.
> 
> "Look at me, Rey. You can't hide now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. So, still can't promise a regular schedule, but I am starting to get back into the hang of things. Slowly, anyway. Thanks to everyone who left supportive comments, I love this community so much! 💕

Listening to Ben patiently walk Finn through the tedious process of connecting with his feelings and then reaching out, Rey was almost incredulous. At both of them, really, although she suspected Finn had more reason to have an open mind towards him than anyone else in the Resistance. She certainly hadn't expected to find the (ex?) Supreme Leader walking out of her cabin behind Chewie, uncuffed and unguarded by the old wookie, but he at least was part of Ben's family.

If only they had half a chance of convincing Poe Dameron not to shoot him on sight. Or her, for that matter, since he apparently took her decision to take Ben's hand as such blatant treason that he suspected the whole slaughter of the Jedi Order might have had its merits after all. Thankfully, Finn had remained doggedly loyal, sensing that the situation was more complicated than that, and Chewie had bodily forced the hot-shot pilot off the _Falcon_ when they landed back on the Resistance base after Rey had left them. When she asked about Leia, Finn became guarded, though he admitted to seeing her arguing with Poe after he explained what had happened, and she intuitively saw an image of the General squeezing Finn's wrist sympathetically when he spoke of her.

_"She's afraid, but she can't help but have hope,"_ Chewie had wisely observed as the three of them sat in the _Falcon_ 's cockpit, trying to decide what to do with their captured Supreme Leader. The savvy old scoundrel had watched her reaction and 'hmphed' to himself at whatever he saw there.

Then he'd just gotten up from the co-pilot's chair and tramped back through the ship without another word, leaving her to meet Finn's eyes widely, both of them jumping up to follow him. When they realized Chewie had gone to speak to Ben alone, a desperate argument had ensued that only really seemed to end when Ben offered up his lightsaber voluntarily to her.

"I didn't want to believe it," Finn had said as soon as Chewie was out of earshot. "But you're not even afraid of him. Rey, Poe says you've chosen the Dark side - he told everyone that you're related to Palpatine -"

Something must have shown on her face, because Finn stopped, his eyes warm with concern as he clasped her shoulder with one hand. "Leia said your choice wasn't made yet, but -"

"How did they know? I didn't tell anyone, I only just -" She had to take a breath, fighting back a sob, and Finn had jumped into the silence.

"Chewie patched us into the ship's comms. We heard Pryde talking about you… Is it true that KylorKylo out to you before? That you were there when he killed Snoke?" His expression had grown colder when she only nodded, and she had been forced to admit that, yes, she had a long and complex history with Kylo Ren.

Even after the _Supremacy_ , when they had parted so painfully it cracked the Skywalker saber in half, the Force had drawn them together time and again and Kylo Ren would capitalize on those rare moments to try and convince her to turn. To come to him and let him teach her. To tell him where she was, to meet him somewhere neutral… 

Rey was unable to meet Finn's earnest gaze, knowing how badly she had wanted to accept those offers. How she had secretly come to look forward to those strange moments when they were brought across the vast chasm of space close enough to reach out and touch the soft waves of his hair if she wanted. And she _had_ wanted to touch, sometimes desperately so. Now she had done much more than simply press her fingers to his, and it was impossible to explain to Finn that now that she had him physically within reach, she had no intention of losing Ben Solo again.

"Rey," Ben's voice jolted her from her recollections, "I need to speak to you. Alone."

With an awkward glance to Chewie and Finn, he rose from the seat behind her and stalked out of the cockpit, leaving her to shoot a questioning look all around. Of course her companions were of no help, the wookie seemed to prefer to leave the young people to make their own mistakes and Finn had made it clear that Kylo Ren was her problem, even if he had spent the last hour teaching him rudimentary methods for connecting with the Force. He met her eyes and shrugged, at least indicating a more relaxed attitude towards having the terrifying spectre of the First Order on board.

"Right," she muttered to herself as she left, following the sound of his heavy strides into the center of the ship.

He was kneeling when she found him, one hand squeezed beneath the cabinet of the ancient rehydrator that somehow still functioned just like the rest of the ship, with a little cajoling and a few hard slaps. As easily as he moved, with all that fluid grace displayed so effortlessly in battle, it was easy to forget how large the man actually was, but right now he looked like a giant bird pecking at scraps on the ground.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for something. My father kept all kinds of hiding places on this thing." His hand moved deeper and he grunted in satisfaction at the resulting soft click. Standing back, he revealed a panel of flooring that slid back under the cabinet, hiding a deep storage space beneath. It appeared to be filled with clothes, which Ben quickly searched through.

Rey leaned against the wall, watching him curiously.

"That still doesn't explain what you're doing," she said when it appeared he wasn't going to elaborate while sorting through his findings.

"If I'm going to play with the Rebels, I may as well look like one." He stopped with a rumpled long-sleeve sweater and dark brown vest in hand, then casually dropped a found blaster on top of the clothes, sliding the compartment shut. "I outgrew my father's clothes when I was thirteen, but we'll see if this fits."

And then he proceeded to strip off his cloak, padded armor, and the tunic underneath it while Rey stared in fascination, belatedly turning her head when he glanced up. She could hear the smirk in his voice, and felt her face flush when he spoke.

"Look at me, Rey. You can't hide now." His whole upper body was bare when she did, all that expanse of corded muscle under smooth skin, the evidence of her anger cut indelibly across his face and shoulder.

Rey opened her mouth, but only managed a choked squeak, her hands clenching at her sides with the need to touch him. Instead, she swallowed and forced herself to meet his searching gaze with firm resolve.

"I'm not hiding," she whispered. "Just admiring from afar."

"I see." He lifted Han Solo's shirt and pulled it over his head, a flash of amusement from him following her spike of disappointment. It was a tight fit, but it worked, and with the addition of the vest and blaster, he looked like an entirely different person. Kylo Ren's charming younger brother, a scoundrel rather than a hard-edged Darksider.

"I like it," she offered in a mildly suggestive tone when he turned to her. There was the briefest hint of a crooked smile in response, calling her attention to his lips, and she flushed, remembering how good they felt on her skin.

Of course he sensed her thoughts, and surely he noted the color of her cheeks, but for once he didn't tease, merely gestured to the nearby holochess table. 

"Sit with me?"

"Alright." Rey settled across from where he shifted uneasily, eyes never resting long on the painfully familiar surroundings. When he spoke, he was looking at her hands, folded casually on the table.

"The place we're going… You read about it? Where?"

Rey shrugged noncommittally, not quite sure she wanted to divulge the location of the ancient texts stashed away in her cabin. "Luke had a few books he'd collected on the island. When I left I… took them with me."

"You stole them." A hint of amusement sparked in his dark eyes and it was Rey who avoided eye contact this time, desperate to hide how raw and overwhelming it felt when they were alone. He leaned back, giving her space, but the tone of his voice was telling. "From Luke Skywalker?"

"Once a scavenger, always a scavenger," she shrugged. "It's not as if he was using them."

"What did you read?" It seemed he couldn't help himself, the curiosity was too great and he leaned in again, forcibly catching her gaze. "Rey. Tell me."

"Not much. It was mentioned as a place people would go to… To become one in the Force. Luke's notes said it was a temple, with ancient artwork depicting the Light and the Dark as merging into one under the Cosmic Force," she frowned, trying to bring up any other bits of information stored in her mind about the place. "He said it was the oldest ruin he'd ever seen, even older than the structures on Ahch-To."

He nodded, lips pressed together in thought, his eyes glazing over and his fingers tracing over cracks in the table's old veneer. Rey watched his hands move and waited, sensing him trying to collect himself.

"I don't want to scare you," he said finally. "It's a strange place -"

"I'm not afraid of you."

"I know," he exhaled with a slight chuckle, looking up to find her again. "But Vayona is a place where Light and Dark _meet_. And the altar there, where we… We'll be bonded, Rey. Even more so than now. There's no going back, no way to end it."

"I understand."

"You do?" Rey's breath caught in her chest with the sheer weight of need, desire and… and affection… surging between them. He did smile this time, if only faintly, and she extended her hand, gently closing it over his fidgeting fingers. 

"Yes. I do. Do you know…" She licked her lips very faintly, apparently distracting him from the rest of her words, because he looked up in sudden surprise when she spoke of the temple's main purpose as a marriage altar.

"What?" He found her eyes again, though it was clearly a struggle for him to remain open to her with all the emotions lurking between them.

"The passage about the temples on Vayona and elsewhere. I couldn't translate all of it, but Luke's notes seem to indicate it was a marriage altar. There used to be more of them, the ancient Force-users made a pilgrimage to the nearest one when they found a… a mate, an equal to balance them. A dyad," she went on, still retaining her light hold over his hands, which had frozen and remained still under her touch. "I never thought about it. Having a mate… a marriage. I never thought I would leave Jakku, but then I saw more of the galaxy and the people in it and I wanted to share it -"

"With Finn? Or the pilot? Some other Rebel vermin -"

"No!" She shouted so forcefully it surprised them both, and he muttered curses under his breath when Rey released his hands to wipe away traitorous tears. "You're an idiot. I don't know how it's possible for you to be Leia's son."

"Well, she didn't do much mothering, if you can believe that. Too busy trying to run the galaxy to her impossible standards." He spoke quietly, but there was an edge to it that made Rey tread with care, choosing her next words slowly.

"I do believe it." She caught his eye again when he looked up and refused to let him draw away again. It had taken her time to understand them, why they were connected, what it was the Force wanted from her, but she knew now and she wasn't giving up. The soul of the man she loved was fractured, beaten down by a cascade of physical and emotional battles that put him in the center of conflict whether he wanted to be there or not, but he wasn't unsalvageable. 

His mother and uncle may have given up, and had she been asked to reach him directly after witnessing what he did to his father, she would have agreed with them that he was a lost cause. But she knew now, at least a little, of the turmoil in his head, and she didn't think Han Solo would have risked his life if he didn't truly believe in his son, so… She would continue his fight. For the Force, for the galaxy, for herself too, but it was Han's sacrifice that lent the most weight to her purpose.

"Ben, I believe you. Leia is a busy woman. And Luke…" She wondered if she should tell him what happened on the island the night she left, how close she had come to striking the old Jedi in a fit of rage. "Luke never even gave you a chance. But I will."

"You already did," he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back in his seat, as if it were the only way he could bear to put distance between them. "When you came to me on Snoke's ship. I took you straight to him, Rey. Why would you give me the chance to betray you again?"

"You said yourself. We're a dyad in the Force. You're never going to get rid of me, no matter how much you cover yourself in darkness and pretend cruelty, I know you -"

"You know nothing about me -"

"I know _everything_ about you! And I love you _anyway_!"

She stood up when she shouted, needing to get away before she gave into the urge to punch him, but he followed her into the hallway. One of his long strides made up for several of hers, and before she could get far, one heavy hand clamped around her arm like an iron cuff.

"Rey," he said her name with the same softness he always had as he firmly pulled her around to face him. 

"Don't," she shook her head as he crowded her against the rounded wall. His other hand came to cradle her face, so gentle he might have been soothing a startled animal, his thumb wiping away the traces of tears on her cheek. She closed her eyes when he bent to rest his forehead against hers.

"You can't take it back."

"I know." She opened her eyes, daring to tilt her face up at an inviting angle. If she couldn't take out her anger violently, perhaps there was another, better outlet. "Ben." 

Her lips brushed his as they formed his name, and the temptation seemed too much. His kiss was always devouring and greedy, but now it was desperate, too, begging for forgiveness with his warm lips and stroking tongue. Her hesitant response quickly gained in confidence, hands diving in to curl in his hair, teeth nipping and tugging at his bottom lip. Rey gave herself to him eagerly, and oh, yes, this was so much better than fighting, if only they had started doing it sooner... 

His hands moved down her body, sliding over her shoulders with delicious warmth to wrap around her waist, crushing her body to his. Without all that armor, Rey could feel him easily, the smooth, hard muscle moving under her exploring hands as they traveled from his hair down to his chest and arms, then back up again to wind firmly around his neck. Her mind jumped to a familiar image, and she thought of her cabin, just a few steps away on the other side of the canteen.

She broke their kiss intending to ask him to come back there with her, but Finn's voice in the hall tore them both from the warm escape of each other's arms. Ben made as if to back away, but she held on firmly, refusing to be ashamed anymore.

"Rey! Where are you, we're not alone -" he froze as he came around the corner, dark eyes going wide. "What the hell - you know what? Nevermind, we don't have time. Poe must have followed us, or someone did -"

The ship shuddered around them, coming out of hyperspace roughly, then immediately rocked from two separate blasts against its hull.

"The guns!" Rey shouted, breaking out from under Ben's arms. When the two men looked at her and then each other blankly, she nearly knocked their heads together with the Force. "Finn! The guns! Ben, I need you to pilot!"

"You're gonna let him pilot? You never let me in the chair!"

"Do you WANT to go head-to-head with Poe?" She was very close to ripping her hair out, though thankfully Ben was smart enough to have already complied with her instructions, racing off past Finn in the direction of the cockpit.

Finn gave her a blanched look, eyes following after him before he turned back to her and they both had to brace against the walls under another barrage of shots.

"I can't fire on Poe, Rey," he said after they'd regained their balance.

"Fine." She turned in the direction of the gunner position, glancing back once over her shoulder. "Just… get on the comms and try to make contact with the Resistance. Poe doesn't speak for all of them, there might be someone out there on our side."

"Right." From his grim expression, she could tell he wasn't expecting much, and she really couldn't fault him for it, but she also knew they had some allies who wouldn't blindly follow Poe Dameron, no matter how inspiring his speeches could be.

"Reach out to Rose. You know she won't fire on you."

There was a faint spark of hope in his eyes, and they shared a very brief smile before racing to their positions.

  
  


Poe Dameron was an excellent pilot, Ben had to give him that credit, at least. He'd flown the _Falcon_ himself according to Chewie, though Rey didn't like the way he took risks with it. When he pointed out that his father was infamous for the same kind of risky behavior, Chewie merely agreed, but after a moment, he thought to add that Dameron didn't have the Solo luck.

"Let's hope that's true," he muttered under his breath as he maneuvered the ship hard to one side, presenting a smaller silhouette to opposing forces and opening up the field for Rey to fire. If had just been Poe Dameron against them, it would have been a difficult fight, but it appeared he'd brought friends, two more X-Wings and a few other Resistance fighters that had probably seen better days but were still equipped with fully-functioning guns.

"Get ready to divert power to the rear shields," he told his co-pilot, who did so without question so quickly Ben paused in momentary shock. When Chewie inclined his head inquisitively, he just shook himself and took one more quick around before closing his eyes and reaching out for the Force.

In this way, he was aware of his opponents in a far more intimate way, as if they were armed with traditional blasters dueling on solid ground, in a silence where the only sound was his own breath. His and -

_Rey._

He felt her sharp intake when their bond slid into place, both understanding the advantage it gave and instinctively reaching out. It was thrilling and terrifying at once, and just like with Snoke's guards, Ben reveled in the power of it, their shared senses providing a clarity and focus beyond anything he'd ever experienced in any of his solo experiments with the Force.

It sang around them and they danced, Ben with his hands flying over the controls, Rey swinging the mobile gunner position to fire without the need to sight targets herself. Vaguely, he felt a flash of regret from her as her shots hit home on Dameron's backup, and he realized these were people she knew, people who knew her and had defied his mother's orders to turn on her - and Finn and Chewie - at the hot-headed pilot's call.

_Stop._ _Be angry later. Focus now._

Her lightning reflex to rein him in worked, and his rage flared and fell silent at her urging. She was in the right, however much it angered him, giving in to his instincts would only make matters worse. With that in mind, he bit down on the inside of his cheek savagely and worked on pulling the ship around at an angle so sharp the power flickered and the anti-grav sputtered but bravely soldiered on. He heard Finn shouting curses from wherever he was, but Chewie only grumbled something about children and casually flipped the breakers that failed back on.

In the moment, with the power dimmed and most everything diverted to the rear shields, the most insane action for any pilot would be to slam the thrusters and flip around to face their opponents with no protection. Naturally, that's exactly what he did, right after Rey's perfect shot went straight through the lead fighter's outer communication module.

"I'm really… not sorry about this, Poe," she murmured aloud over her headset. 

"I'm resetting our jump coordinates," he warned, also out loud for Finn's benefit. "I need a count down from ten."

"I'll keep up suppressing fire."

Ben opened his mouth to tell her to take Dameron out while they had the chance, but he never voiced it. She'd chosen to take out his comms instead, so he couldn't follow them or give orders to his squadron. Not because she was too strong of conscious to kill him, but because she wanted to send a clear message to the Resistance. How bad did it look when Poe was shooting for lethal damage and Rey, in keeping with the Jedi of old, fired back only defensively?

" _Your friends have joined the party,"_ Chewie yowled, yanking him back to reality. He opened his eyes as they came fully around the face the Resistance ships and scanned the rear optics to find two TIEs on their backside.

"Rey -"

"I see them."

One of her shots cut the wing from a fighter, disabling it again without killing the pilot, and then the computer beeped to let him know it was ready to jump again.

"Hang on, we're going back to lightspeed!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whatever it was, its presence in the Force made it easy enough to follow, even if it seemed intent on leading her down a maze of side streets and alleys, over chain fences and crumbling walls, until it suddenly swooped down to land on top of a wall beside a long, wide road. It was the outer wall of the city, Rey realized, remembering the long, mostly empty stretch of highway through tall grasses from their way in. She climbed the wall to stand next to it, fully expecting it to move again, but this time it just sat, proud and alert, long tail glowing molten gold beneath the nearly-setting sun.
> 
> “Hi,” she said awkwardly, still catching her breath. “I’m Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still working on stuff, this story just keeps getting away from me. In usual Pashi standard, I didn't mean for it to be this long... Short chapter, but the next one will make up for it, I promise.

The gray-blue planet that swerved into their view was unfamiliar to Rey, but she only had seconds to take it in as Ben allowed gravity and the ship's momentum to send them hurtling through the atmosphere, not slowing until fields of tall gray grass dotted with strange circular mountains became visible beneath them. She vividly recalled the stunt his father had used to bypass the planetary shields on Starkiller, and was thankful his son seemed  _ slightly _ less reckless.

The fields soon gave way to a long series of highways, and then a sprawling city, made up mostly of low-lying duracrete block buildings with brightly-colored flags, curtains and murals warming the otherwise drab setting. The buildings opened up to a small shipyard, half full of old frigates and A-Wings with mismatched panels, a few newer models branded with galaxy-wide trade companies scattered in between the scrapheaps. Ben set them down gently in an open space, arguing over the comms with the ground crew in a language Rey was unfamiliar with. She followed him hesitantly out of the ship, eyes carefully taking in their surroundings. The shipyard looked like it was half scavenger’s hoard, and she smiled faintly as her mind tabulated the prices on the nearest pieces. Many were vintage Empire leftovers, including the burned out shell of a TIE not much different than the ones they had just fought off.

She didn’t realize Finn had followed them out until he came to stand by her side, giving the old TIE an oddly amused look.

“I could’ve gotten at least fifty portions for that,” she told him with a slight grin. Finn crossed his arms, glancing back at her just for a moment.

“Poe and I escaped the First Order in one of these,” he grinned back foolishly. “And then we crashed on Jakku and changed your life forever.”

Rey snorted. It was sort of true, but knowing what she did now, she doubted she would have been able to stay there much longer before her - her  _ grandfather _ \- sent someone to collect her. She shuddered, and Finn laid a hand on her shoulder in sympathy, obviously sensing heer distress.

“I think he would have come for me sooner or later.” 

“Kylo? What did he say to you?” His voice deepened with anger and Rey was quick to shush him.

“No, not him.” She turned making him face her, his warm guileless eyes impatiently waiting for her to reassure him that he wouldn’t have another reason to punch Ben in the face, even if he really wanted to. “My grandfather… I’m a… I’m related to Emperor Palpitine,” she managed to spit out bitterly. “My parents abandoned me to keep me away from him, so he had them killed. Now he wants me dead.” Rey glanced over Finn’s shoulder, where Kylo was still conversing - more amicably now - with the shipyard attendants. 

“And he sent Kylo Ren to do his dirty work, is that it?” She nodded, hastily scrubbing at the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. Finn looked thoughtful, turning his head to follow her gaze and watching Ben carefully. He turned back and gave Rey a calculating look. “And he wouldn’t do it, so you’re hiding. That’s why we’re on Lothal. Rey, do you know how dangerous this place is for him? If anyone recognizes him, they’ll go straight to the Resistance, and if they report to Poe -”

“We’re already in my father’s ship,” Ben interrupted, coming towards them with a shrug. He held out the battered key chip for the  _ Millennium Falcon _ until Finn took, it scowling in confusion. “Keep this, if they find Rey or me at least we’ll know they can’t steal the  _ Falcon. _ ”

“I’d like to see them try with Chewie staying behind,” Rey commented, getting startled looks from both of them. “We talked about this. Chewie can’t come, he stands out too much. We’re trying to blend. Besides, someone has to stay behind and actually repair the ship.”

“I’d still feel better if he were with us,” Finn complained, but he hurried after them as Ben took Rey’s hand and led them away.

“Come on, I know someone here who might help us,” he explained. “And I need to find a databank so I can find out if I can actually afford to pay for our repairs.”

Lothal was just as full of life as Pasaana, despite its tame, squat buildings. The wide streets were full of all kinds of people and little carts selling food and trinkets and the popular, boldly-colored fabrics, outside of much larger establishments that advertised a range of merchandise and services. Ben found one with a simple sign, neatly painted in purple and white, that offered financial services. Rey and Finn waited outside because it was small and cramped with only two employees and a handful of customers.

Finn sighed and leaned up against the wall, careful to keep his blaster hidden under the old jacket he always wore.

“Did you talk to Rose?” Rey asked, hearing his deep emotive sigh.

“Yeah, it’s cool. She’s with you, Rey, and she’s at the General’s right hand and so is Lando -”

“If Poe tries to openly mutiny against Leia, he’ll have to get through them,” she nodded. “That doesn’t stop anyone from ignoring or disobeying orders, though.”

“Yeah, but it’s  _ Leia _ . And she’s on our side in this. You don’t think people will trust her judgment?”

“I’m sure some of them will,” she admitted. “But I don’t know if…”

Rey trailed off, forgetting all about their conversation for a moment as the flap of feathers and bright color caught her eye and she glanced up, finding the most curious creature she’d ever seen on the roof of the opposite building. It was a bird with bright, burnished gold feathers and emerald eyes, strangely lit up in the Force like a tiny beacon of pure light. A small, hooked beak that said it was a predator and a long golden tail made up the rest, and Rey was certain it was staring at her, assessing her right back.

“Rey?”

She barely heard Finn’s voice as she stepped away from the wall to get closer, but the bird abruptly took flight, and without hesitation, Rey followed it, breaking into a run as it swerved down an alley.

“Wait,” she called, reaching out to try and stop it with the Force. Nothing happened, she couldn’t even  _ feel _ it, her power fumbling around it like a blind man, but her touch slid off of it like water on a smooth surface. “Wait, please -”

There was the slightest avain shriek of disapproval, as if it was very aware of her attempt to grab at it and it found the notion offensive on a personal level. Whatever it was, its presence in the Force made it easy enough to follow, even if it seemed intent on leading her down a maze of side streets and alleys, over chain fences and crumbling walls, until it suddenly swooped down to land on top of a wall beside a long, wide road. It was the outer wall of the city, Rey realized, remembering the long, mostly empty stretch of highway through tall grasses from their way in. She climbed the wall to stand next to it, fully expecting it to move again, but this time it just sat, proud and alert, long tail glowing molten gold beneath the nearly-setting sun.

“Hi,” she said awkwardly, still catching her breath. “I’m Rey.”

The bird blinked, unimpressed, but its keen eyes remained on her. She sighed and dropped into a squat next to it, looking out briefly over the grasses and then the city, where she was sure Ben and Finn were searching desperately for her. “Please don’t go anywhere, I just need a minute,” she begged as she closed her eyes, taking slow, deep breaths and reaching out through that place in her mind she’d been barricading for years that was now open and tentatively welcoming.

She breathed in sharply when the bond slid into place, her eyes opening to find him there with her, seemingly standing on air just beyond the edge of the wall. His eyes flashed with relief, then something darker took over. He moved in one quick lunge, grabbing her by the arms and pulling her into a tight embrace.

“Where have you been?” He hissed into her ear. “You can’t do that, you can’t just go off on your own -”

“Why not? Why can’t anyone ever trust me to do things on my own?” She glared, fighting to put some space between them and keep her balance on the wall.

“It’s not that we don’t trust you, Rey. You know that.” He let her pull away, but held her tight by the elbows at arm’s length. “It’s other people I’m worried about.”

“You of all people should know that I can protect myself,” she snapped, finally breaking free from his grip. “I’m fine, I’m on the outer wall looking west. I followed someone, a bird…”

She turned to find the golden owl mantling its feathers as an unexpectedly cold wind rose up from the road, making her bare arms break out in goosebumps. “I have to go -”

“What bird?” Ben looked angry, but also curious. He peered about her, as if sensed it in her surroundings. And he might well sense it, the thing glowed with powerful Force energy, she imagined some of it might be spilling over into their bond. 

“It’s an owl, a golden owl, but I don’t think it’s just a bird. It led me here, and I’m not going to stop following it. Come after me, if you want, or just wait on the ship.”

“Rey -” He scrubbed both hands raggedly through his hair, and she could see his jaw working as he fought to control an outburst of the rage she could feel roiling inside him. “What am I supposed to do here? What do you want?”

“I’m going after the bird,” she repeated, eyes rolling. “You do what you have to do.”

He muttered a curse, but she barely heard it as she purposefully pushed away the connection, hoping down from the wall to follow as her golden guide took flight. Somewhere, she knew, Ben Solo was hacking at something with his lightsaber, but she would deal with him later. She had no choice but to follow something so full of light and obviously guiding her with intent.

The owl soared down over the roadway, pausing every now and then to alight on a convenient post, and Rey kept up, all thoughts of the Resistance and Ben Solo's smoldering eyes and wide hands pushed to the back of her mind.

Well, almost to the back, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you recognize the owl, it's is exactly who you think it is ;-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She was odd-looking, with tanned clay-colored skin and white markings over her face like some of the nocturnal felines Rey had encountered on Ajan Kloss, and instead of hair she had beautiful blue-and-white-striped headtails, like a twi'lek, except hers tapered into bony protrusions at the top. She lifted a hand, and the golden bird swooped gracefully to land on her outstretched wrist.
> 
> "Hello, Rey." Something guarded crossed her face when her eyes fell on Ben, but she merely stared at him for a moment before nodding in welcome to him, too. "Ben Solo. You have your grandmother's eyes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so excited to see what y'all think of this chapter... this is honestly a whole lot of wish fulfillment for me, but that's what fanfic is for, right?  
> Still no smut, sorry, it's coming up, I promise, but my focus on this really is fixing all the things I wish TRoS had been, so it's one of the least sexy things I've written.  
> In the meantime, please enjoy this chapter full of cameos! ;-)

"To hell with this Force-damned bond!"

The furious shout was followed by the soft woosh of a lightsaber and the hot scent of ozone as the laser beam seared through metal, and Finn took a moment to think about whether or not he really wanted to follow the commotion. 

"Dammit," he growled to himself, reaching for the saber on his belt although he knew he was no match for Kylo Ren. Without Rey, the guy was becoming more unstable, and Finn couldn't just leave him to destroy people's property and gods knew what else. What the kriff was she thinking, running off like this and leaving him with her half-psycho, patricidal boyfriend?

He entered the alley slowly, seeing that Solo had his back turned, facing what appeared to be a pile of empty wooden crates and steel bins, now slashed into smoldering ruins. That was benign enough, he figured, surprised he hadn't torn into the speeder bikes or sweeper droids nearby. He took one step deeper into the alley, mostly to block innocent locals from coming to see what all the noise was, and took a deep breath to center himself.

"You done back there, Solo?" He hazarded in as neutral a voice as he could manage.

The loud crackle and red glow of the man's saber ceased and he turned around, shoulders heaving, obviously struggling to keep himself contained. Finn could respect that at least he was giving it a visible effort, people didn't exactly change overnight (unless that was a night spent on a casino planet with one Rose Tico, but he kept that thought to himself).

"She's gone. Following that - bird or whatever - out on the highway," Solo panted. He shook his hair out of his face and turned his eyes on Finn, looking surprisingly clear-headed. "I -" he glanced shamefully at the mess behind him and sighed. "I don't need you to babysit me -"

"Look man, I get it. They brainwashed me, I can't even imagine what Snoke did to you." Finn told him, taking another step closer so they weren't shouting down the length of the pavement. "It takes a while, to undo all of that. When I got out, all I wanted was to get away, go hide somewhere on the outer rim… and then I met her. Rey. She's so bright and pure, I just felt like I wasn't worthy of even shaking her hand. It changes you, being around someone like that."

"You're in love with her," Solo accused, leaning against the wall across from him with his arms crossed haughtily. 

"Maybe. I think I was, at first, but then she left and I met someone else. Rose. She's the one who really woke me up, showed what it meant to fight for something real, something you could believe in," he went on. "And then I met your mother, I mean really met her, and she had that same spark. She's been fighting for what's right all her life, and whatever she does, you know she's doing it because it's right, just like Rey and Rose."

"Yeah, I know what she thinks is right," Solo grumbled. "I know she's… I know, okay? But I can't - I can't go back to her. Not after…"

"She'll forgive you," Finn promised. "Rey did."

Solo, the stubborn idiot, just shook his head and shot a glare up at the sky, then cursed viciously and ripped his saber from his belt. Finn quickly looked up to see the weird trash bucket the Knights of Ren used as a ship flying low over them, then followed the big man's lead in running out of the alley.

"They're going for the Falcon," Solo panted as they ran.

"I'll take care of the ship, you go after Rey," Finn shouted back.

"Are you kidding? They'll destroy you!" Ben Solo scowled, probably realizing he didn't have much choice. He slowed his pace, looking uncertain.

"I'll have Chewie to back me up. We can fight them off long enough to get the ship in the air."

"I hope so, for your sake," Solo agreed grudgingly.

"Be careful man, you don't know what that thing Rey was following will do to someone like you -" Finn started before the Darksider cut him off.

"Worry about yourself, if anything happens to that ship Rey will be pissed at us both."

"Right."

Finn arrived just in time to see the Night Buzzard land, followed shortly by First Order troop transports, and thought better of just casually strolling into the shipyard. Instead, he turned a corner where he'd seen a sideyard piled with shipping crates and climbed up to lay on his belly on top of them, grimacing as the metal, too hot from the sun, burned his hands. He got out his viewfinder and thumbed it until he had a clear picture, watching as Vicrul and Ap'lek emerged from the ship, casually slashing apart the yard workers and making their way to the Falcon.

But they couldn't seem to get in, though they spent roughly twenty minutes casing the outside and banging and hacking mercilessly at the reinforced durasteel doors. Chewie must have locked it down tight and killed the power, which meant he was probably still inside.

Finn pulled out his long-distance radio and hastily yanked up the antenna, dialing down to the frequency he had memorized.

"Rose?" He stage whispered, not wanting the wrong ears to hear him. "Do you copy?"

"Roger, Finn. I'm with the general." The response came immediately, and he smiled. That was one stroke of luck today, now if only the Force could give him one more.

"I'm on Lothal, Rey and Ben Solo are off chasing some Force beast, but some of those Knights of Ren bastards just landed. They're trying to lock down the shipyard," he paused, giving her time to confer with Leia. "Do we have any troops here? Any allies at all?"

"Troops no," there was a hint of excitement in Rose's voice despite the bad news. "All of the pilots seem to be loyal to Poe, they're breaking off -"

"All of them?"

"Well, not all, but -" She was cut off by Leia's low, commanding voice.

"Finn, listen to me. I need you to find some old allies of mine. You can trust them, and they've been fighting this battle longer than even me," she said with a hint of warmth in her voice for whoever she was talking about. "You can trust them completely. I'll have Rose send the coordinates now."

"Okay. Thanks, General. But what about Chewie?"

"He can handle himself, if I know Chewie, and I do," there was warmth there, too. "Now, do you happen to know what meiloorun fruit looks like?"

Rey had followed the bird with ease down the highway, but when it cut off and swooped out over the grasses, she realized they were a lot higher than they looked. She could barely see a few feet ahead of her, and the sun was hot, sweat pouring down the back of her neck as she cut swathes through them, struggling to keep the golden feathers in sight.

"Wait, wait, I'm coming," she yelled, hearing the bird call out impatiently. She rolled her eyes, feeling harassed. "Well, I'm sorry I can't just sprout wings and fly!"

"Cooo Caa-Whoooooo."

When she finally found her way free of the grass, it happened suddenly. She hadn't seen any sign of anyone or anything besides the bird and the tall grass for what felt like hours, but within two short steps, she was pushing through the last of the stalks on the base of one of Lothal's peculiar mountains.

Despite her impatient guide, she took a moment to drink from her canteen, hooking her new double-saber to her belt. She removed her thin outer jacket, all soft supple leather but too hot now, and unwound the charcoal gray wraps around her wrists, soaking them in water and then wrapping both strips around her head to hold her hair back. Finally, she turned to the bird, perched nearby on an outcropping of rock, and nodded.

"Alright, let's go."

"Go where?" A familiar voice questioned, and Rey cursed and spun. How the hell had he been able to sneak up on her like that?! 

Ben Solo gave her a smug smile that belonged to his father, standing there stripped of his outer clothes, with the sleeves roughly torn off of his shirt, arms crossed to cloud her mind with images of his rippling muscles. Rey wasn't sure if she was to hit him or take a bite out of him, or maybe both.

"I might not be able to shield myself all the time from Snoke or Palpatine, but you… I can shield myself from you as long as you're not trying," he grinned. "You have a lot to learn still."

"Fine. That's - I'm not doing anything secret, I just -" she looked at the owl, who cocked it's head disturbingly all the way to upside down. "She wanted me to go with her."

"And that's it? You just run off after a bird into the wilderness when we're being hunted by the Resistance and the First Order, on an unknown planet? Rey -" he took a step closer, but froze, his eyes alighting widely on something behind her and his hand snatching the saber off his belt.

Rey turned, seeing for herself the cause of his alarm, though she didn't reach for her weapon. The woman emerging from the shadow of the mountain was old, though she wore her years more easily than Master Skywalker had, and her knowing smile reminded Rey of Leia, immediately putting her at ease.

She was odd-looking, with tanned clay-colored skin and white markings over her face like some of the nocturnal felines Rey had encountered on Ajan Kloss, and instead of hair she had beautiful blue-and-white-striped headtails, like a twi'lek, except hers tapered into bony protrusions at the top. She lifted a hand, and the golden bird swooped gracefully to land on her outstretched wrist.

"Hello, Rey." Something guarded crossed her face when her eyes fell on Ben, but she merely stared at him for a moment before nodding in welcome to him, too. "Ben Solo. You have your grandmother's eyes."

"You knew my grandmother?" Ben stepped forward to eye her more carefully, and Rey instinctively took his hand, forcing him to fold his fingers between hers. He glanced down, but said nothing, though he didn't pull away either.

The strange old woman smiled again, holding to her enigma, and beckoned at them both. "Follow me. I think it's time we talked."

"We don't even know who you are!" Ben countered, as unmoving as the mountain towering over them. Rey wanted to kick him, because with the amount of pure light shining through the woman and the owl, it was impossible they meant any harm, but she gave him time to get an answer, mostly because she was curious.

"I'm Ahsoka, and this is Moraii."

But Ben, true to form, was unwilling to just leave it at that, although Rey couldn't blame him. She had pestered Luke in much the same way on Ahch'To, though he was much surlier and more reluctant than Ahsoka. "How do you know us? How did you know my grandmother?"

"Oh, Ben. I've known you since before you were born. I knew your grandmother and your grandfather," she answered calmly. "And I knew Sheev Palpatine, too."

"But how… I've never even heard of you -"

"My name is Ahsoka Tano. Anakin Skywalker was my master. As I said," she glanced at the setting sun with an urgent frown, ignoring Ben's shocked look. "We need to talk."

Dodging a squadron of red-armored troopers, Finn ducked down a mostly-deserted alleyway, eyes scanning for the purple door Rose told him to look for. The sun was setting and the streets were dark, long shadows hiding the color of things until he was almost on top of them, but he found the place about halfway down. There was an elderly being of some kind, with gray furry arms and a dirty brown sackcloth draped over its head sitting just outside, a collection bowl with a few pieces of fruit at its feet. Finn dropped the key chip to the Millenium Falcon into the bowl and held his breath.

“May the Force be with you,” the creature murmured, and Finn heard a soft clicking sound from the door, which edged open by the faintest sliver.

“Yeah, uh, you, too,” he muttered back, pushing his way inside with one hand on Rey’s lightsaber.

It was pitch dark, the brief burst of light from the open door illuminating a tiled entry hall and several cloaks hanging on pegs by the door before it slammed shut behind him. Finn was just about to switch on the saber for light when he sensed movement and swiveled around to find a blaster aimed at his face. There was a Mandalorian mask behind it, he would have recognized the style no matter what, but he had no idea if it was painted and decorated the way Rose had described. 

Still, the odds of running into another gray-furred alien with a meiloorun fruit, outside a purple door, with a Mandalorian woman inside, who were completely unrelated to the contacts Leia and Rose had described were minimal. He took his hand away from his weapon and offered his hand to the masked challenger instead.

“You must be Sabine,” he guessed.

“And you must be Finn,” a woman’s voice greeted him, low and with the steadiness of an experienced warrior. “Another ex-Stormtrooper.”

She put away the blaster and the helmet came off, then the hallway was lit up by a dim glow from several overhead panels, and he could see her age-worn face with a roguish smile that reminded him of Han Solo. Her short hair was purple like the door, and she had large, dark eyes that assessed him ruthlessly. 

“You have a lightsaber,” she observed after a moment of silence.

“Yeah, it was a gift from a friend,” he explained.

“Hell of a gift,” Sabine chuckled, then nodded at the hallway behind him. “C’mon and meet everyone else.”

‘Everyone else’ turned out to be a couple of younger Resistance fighters, one human and one twi-lek, the gray-furred creature from outside whose name was Zeb, and a very elderly man who turned out to be an ex-clone trooper. He took Finn’s hand with a look that spoke volumes, his grasp firm despite his advanced age.

“CT-7567,” the old clone said while he gave Finn a firm handshake. “You can call me Rex.”

“FN-2187,” Finn replied. “My name is Finn.”

“Good to have you, Finn. Now why don’t you tell us how you ended up on Lothal, of all places, with the Millenium Falcon and -”

“And why you brought Kylo Ren here,” one of the younger Resistance members practically spat, in spite of a quelling look from Sabine. “We fought the Empire off once, we don’t want to have to do it again.”

“Lothal is peaceful,” his compatriot, the twi-lek woman agreed, though she seemed less angry than the human.

“Peaceful, yes,” Sabine’s eyes on the two were sharp. “But not neutral. We are on your side, if your side is the one fighting against the tyranny of the First Order.”

“As if they didn’t arrive here with the Supreme Leader himself!” The human hothead grumbled. His twi’lek companion stalled him with a hand on his chest, and Finn got the idea that they weren’t just fellow soldiers. He sighed inwardly at that, missing the easy camaraderie and understanding he had with Rose, and Rey - and Poe, though that friendship was probably ash now.

“Let him speak for himself,” she insisted quietly.

“Look, I know you don’t know me, and I know what it looks like,” Finn shifted, uncomfortably aware of every eye in the room focusing on him. “And we did come here with… With the man who calls himself Kylo Ren. And you’re probably right not to trust him, I know I don’t want to trust him either, but… He’s General Leia’s son, and he’s bonded, somehow, with my friend, Rey. I don’t understand it, this whole Force thing is brand new to me, but those two… They have some kind of destiny together, I can feel it. Whatever they’re doing right now, here, we need for them to do it, because I don’t know of anybody else who can even come close to combating the evil of Palpatine coming back to life. So unless you do… Kylo Ren and Rey are all we’ve got. And I may not trust him, but I trust Rey.”

He took a deep breath, looking around, making sure to catch the eyes of everyone in the room, even the man who seemed determined to be hostile. The two younger rebels remained guarded, but the Mandalorian woman had her head tilted in a listening pose, and Rex and the gray alien were both giving him encouraging looks.

“I trust Rey,” he went on, “but we have to make sure they have the space to follow their destiny. That’s why we’re here, and that’s what I need your help for. Those Knights of Ren, they’re not here on Kylo’s orders. They’re working for the Emperor now, the same as the First Order, and all they want is to destroy us, destroy all resistance to Palpatine coming back at full strength. We can’t let them win.”

“So we fight them.” Finn blinked in surprise, because it came from the guy he’d least expected to show support. When he stepped closer into the dim light, Finn could see he was olive-skinned, with smoke-gray eyes and long hair in a braid down his back, and when he smiled it seemed genuine. “I’m Kayt,” he said by way of introduction, one hand resting on the twi-lek’s blue-skinned shoulder. “This is Wastrel. We’ll help you.”

“And so will I,” Sabine stepped forward a little from the wall she had been leaning against. “Now let’s get these Imperialist vermin off of our planet, hmm?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It isn’t a very nice story, no,” Ahsoka agreed. “But the point is, Anakin Skywalker was a powerful Jedi, who fell in love at a time when the Jedi Order forbade any kind of long-term attachments, and in his arrogance and fear, he took too much secrecy upon himself, and the person he loved - the woman who meant more to him than anything else in the galaxy - she paid the price for it.”
> 
> “So what are we supposed to do?” Rey sniffed, rubbing at her eyes. “I can’t just stop… being in love.”

The inside of the little mountain cave was small, but homey. They sat on wooden crates that had been covered in brightly-colored woven blankets, drinking tea out of ceramic mugs and waiting for the old woman to talk. She had asked for Rey’s lightsaber, and spent a long time running her hands over it, closing her eyes and feeling around with the Force, which Ben could sense, although he couldn’t sense what, exactly, she was looking for. Rey sat still with almost infinite patience, a far different demeanor than he’d ever seen from the fiery Jedi.

Ben, on the other hand, shifted nervously, his eyes moving over the cave that was Ahsoka’s home, investigating every piece of fabric and cookware, the star maps neatly pinned to the walls, the Shili-patterned rug underneath them, anything he could find that might give him a read on the strange alien woman who claimed to have been his grandfather’s apprentice.

Finally, she handed Rey’s weapon back to her. 

Blue eyes rose to Ben, asking without words, and he stiffened.

“Ben,” Rey whispered at him, insistent. He met Ahsoka’s eyes, patient, but otherwise unreadable, and it was he who looked away first.

Sighing, Ben handed over the weapon Rey had only given back to him after they landed on Lothal, for his own protection. To say he was embarrassed was an understatement - this woman had been a part of the old Jedi Order, she had examined Rey’s weapon delicately, but thoroughly and obviously been impressed. Because Rey’s weapon was a thing of beauty.

His was… not. It  _ had _ been a thing of beauty, once, and he remembered the day he crafted it like it was yesterday, the serene, exhausted satisfaction he’d felt when it was done, the completeness of it when he thumbed it on, the soothing hum of the blue blade. Ben Solo had been proud of his weapon,  _ a Jedi’s weapon _ , Luke had told him, approvingly.

It had been his first lesson with Snoke, his first test. Breaking the crystal, feeling it bleed, had been like a mortal wound, a jagged slash right through his very soul.

He hated it. It still felt jarring when he held it, raw and flickering, the reddish-white color showing off the vulnerability of his soul. Ben Solo hated what he’d become, but he was too far in, always, too far down from the moment he’d left Luke’s school, and it had only gotten worse since then. The blade he’d been so proud of had killed two of his fellow students, and then he’d broken it further, making the taint of darkness upon it visible for any who were able to look. Somehow, it had seemed fitting, when he thought of it like that. Kylo Ren’s blade should be a broken, ugly thing, a glaring reminder of the ugly, broken thing who wielded it.

He gave it to Ahsoka, and let his head fall, unable to watch her careful, weathered hands move over it.

“It can be healed,” she said quietly, after what felt like an awfully long time. He couldn’t help it, a part of him jumped with hope and he looked up, meeting her steady gaze again. “It’s not easy, but it can be done. I can show you.”

“Another time,” he said meaningfully. There was too much hanging in the balance now. Kylo Ren wasn’t gone, he couldn’t afford to cast that guise aside completely when there were enemies everywhere. He was startled to feel Rey’s hand on his, gentle but firm, soothing him like a wild animal.

“We’ll come back,” she promised, squeezing her fingers around his. He nodded, unable to give voice to the warmth that seeped through him at her easy assumption that they would be together.  _ We _ . As if there was no question that she would follow him, or more likely, that he would follow her.

_ Don’t lie to women, _ Han Solo’s words came to him out of the great depth of memory.  _ They always know. _

“Maybe,” he allowed, looking at Ahsoka again. “Why bring us here? What do you want to talk about?”

“I didn’t bring you here,” she replied laughing quietly at his confused expression. One hand gestured at the golden owl, now perched, seemingly asleep, on a high shelf above the doorway. “Morai did.”

“That doesn’t tell me why we’re here,” he insisted, shifting forwards on the too-small crate, which creaked in protest. “What is it you expect to get from us?”

“Ben!” Rey reached out to him, but he waved her off and Ahsoka gave her tightly indulgent smile, more of a smirk than anything, as if they were sharing some private joke, which only served to stoke his anger.

“You said you knew me,” he spat, standing suddenly and pacing towards the door, summoning his weapon to his hand with a thought before he turned back towards the strange woman with it ignited. “But I don’t know you!”

His first swing went too high, she was nimble and far more agile than he expected of a person her age, and his second was inexplicably blocked by a pair of white sabers he hadn’t even seen her draw.

“Ben!” Rey shouted again, sounding panicked and angry, but when he glanced her way, he sensed Ahsoka start to move, releasing the overhead parry to roll out of the way, coming up with her weapons held in an easy, practiced stance. She had a grace he’d never seen equaled, not even from Luke Skywalker, and as she prowled towards him, he realized there was a good chance he was going to lose this fight.

“Your stance doesn’t suit you at all.”

He took a second to process that, and in that second she was moving, those bright white blades whirling in a deadly dance, too fast for him to do anything but block and step backwards, barely avoiding being backed into the wall only by Force-pulling a shelf down to hold her back. It didn’t hold her for long before she had leapt over it, and his mind did a little misstep as he realized she was using the Force to back up her gymnastics.

No, that wasn’t quite it. She was using the Force to move her body around, but her movements were so fluid, it was like… Like she was battled-hardened, a warrior who had faced combat enough to actually study the ebb and flow of a fight and the way it played out through the Force, something he had only read about in one of Luke’s recovered books.  _ Battle meditation _ , his mind supplied.

“That style doesn’t suit you, it’s not the way you were taught,” she went on, and he realized now, as she circled him like a stalking feline, that she wasn’t even trying to fight him. For all intents and purposes, this was simply a display, a dance of getting to know each other over lightsabers instead of tea. 

“Luke Skywalker would have taught you Master Kenobi’s style. You should be better at defense,” she pursed her curved lips thoughtfully, striking out once, unexpectedly at his flank, which he didn’t doge quickly enough to avoid a crackle of searing energy slicing through his father’s clothes. “It makes me wonder why you felt the need to wear all that armor as Kylo Ren. Was the training of your Sith master so crude and brutish? Or were you trying to protect yourself from other forces? A blaster bolt to the back, perhaps?”

Ben spun, having just avoided one strike only to find the infuriating woman on his opposite side, again poking holes in his defense by spinning her smaller saber out of its underhanded grip and slashing low at his boots. He jumped back, finding himself reverting instinctively to the old Jedi style she spoke of, and quickly brought his blade down one-handed, panting to catch his breath as she blocked it again and slipped inside of his reach to hold her longer blade up to his throat.

“Please don’t, he doesn’t mean to be so stupid,” Rey pleaded, her own weapon alighting with a soft rush of sound from behind Ahsoka. The crafty woman merely smiled, her eyes on his both amused and intrigued, but clearly not afraid of either him or Rey.

“You’re surrounded,” he pointed out stubbornly. “Surrender if you don’t want to die, old woman.”

“Old?” She chuckled. “Master Yoda lived to be nine-hundred years old. I’m not even over a hundred yet. Jedi can live a long time, if they play their cards right.”

“You’re a Jedi?” Rey asked excitedly, dropping her aggressive pose, and Ben knew this battle was over. He lowered his head and powered down his saber with a sigh, just as Ahsoka switched off hers and turned her wide sky-blue eyes on Rey.

“I was,” she sighed heavily, waving a hand to straighten the crates and shelf that had been knocked around in their play fighting and giving Ben a hard look. “Do you want to hear what I have to say, or do I need to knock you around for real? I promise you, whatever he became, Anakin was an excellent teacher.”

“You keep calling him that, but my grandfather was Darth Vader. The name of Anakin is dead to me,” Ben glared at her as they all sat down again, and once more, Ahsoka’s bright peal of laughter infuriated him. “We’re not here on a pleasure cruise! There are forces at work, dark forces, from Exegol -”

“And that is precisely what we need to talk about, you’re right,” she smiled at him, blue eyes clear and honest. “You’ve met Palpatine, I can sense him on you. And yet you’re here with Rey, instead of taking her to him.”

“I WOULD NEVER -” he stopped himself, just barely, reining in his anger, if only for Rey’s sake, although both women gave him approving nods. Ben took a deep breath in, resorting to the old basic padawan meditations he’d spent hours memorizing.  _ Visualize your anger, _ he heard his uncle’s voice saying calmly,  _ now imagine it floating away on the wind, or a moving flow of water.  _

_ Let it go. _

Ben Solo exhaled, remembering when he’d shed all of his armor aboard the  _ Falcon _ , when he’d put his lightsaber in Rey’s hands, when he’d been smothered by Chewie’s inexplicably-forgiving hug.

“Rey is more important to me than anything else in existence,” he explained more quietly, glancing up at her sudden intake of breath. Their eyes met and he frowned at her shocked expression, because how could she not already know that? After a moment of intense staring, where he felt her curious touch on his mind and let her in to see that yes, he was telling the truth, he would defy anyone and everything for her, he cut his gaze back to Ahsoka’s patient eyes.

“I’ll die before I let that… scum… get his hands on her.”

“That’s a powerful sentiment, but you’re gonna need more than that to succeed,” Ahsoka said gently, looking between the two of them.

“What?” Ben blinked at her, shocked that she could dismiss their bond so casually, but Rey leaned in, her head tilted in a listening pose, so he held back anything further and bit his cheek to keep himself quiet.

“As I said, I knew your grandfather well. He was my master, but he was also my friend, and I loved him.” Her sky-blue eyes held a wealth of sadness when she looked over at Rey, then came back to rest on him. “I loved your grandmother, too. She was an incredible woman. I can see them both in you, but you need to know… The reason Anakin turned against the Jedi Order isn’t because they betrayed anyone, or committed treason. He simply loved his wife, and the Dark Side gave him terrible visions of her death. Padme was pregnant when the order was given to assassinate the Jedi, and Anakin was so blinded by the Dark Side and Palpatine’s voice whispering in his ear, he lashed out at her. She died giving birth to their children - your mother, and your Uncle Luke.”

“That’s awful,” Rey’s eyes shined with tears and without thinking, he reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder, comforting and reminding her that they were both here and still very much alive. Ben wasn’t stupid, however, he understood the point in Ahsoka’s story.

“It isn’t a very nice story, no,” Ahsoka agreed. “But the point is, Anakin Skywalker was a powerful Jedi, who fell in love at a time when the Jedi Order forbade any kind of long-term attachments, and in his arrogance and fear, he took too much secrecy upon himself, and the person he loved - the woman who meant more to him than anything else in the galaxy - she paid the price for it.”

“So what are we supposed to do?” Rey sniffed, rubbing at her eyes. “I can’t just stop… being in love.”

“Of course not. The Jedi made the mistake of thinking that you could, and tried to force us to be aloof, disconnected. But it was a mistake, they should never have had those kinds of rules, and Anakin should never have tried to have both his wife and his status…”

“And where were you, when your precious master was killing his wife and joining the Dark Side? Let me guess - it was some sort of political assignment,” Ben scoffed.

“No, actually. I left the Order years before then. I only went back to Anakin because I became involved in something, a rebellion, of a sort, on Mandalore, and we needed backup. But the Jedi council refused my request, so I took a cadre of volunteer Clones, old friends that I’d fought with in the past, and I was en route back to Coruscant with a prisoner when they…” She paused with a far-away look, collecting her thoughts. “The order was given, and the Clones turned on us, on the Jedi they had been serving with and under throughout the whole Clone Wars. I only found out later, through Obi-wan, what happened with Anakin. There were so many Jedi killed that day, the Force was in chaos. It was impossible to tell who was gone, but I found out later I was one of the lucky few.”

“And then? After the Jedi were gone, and Palpatine took over, did you still fight, or did you run away and hide like the other masters?” Ben felt a sneer creeping into his voice, but he couldn’t help it. Luke had always spoken so highly of Obi-wan and Master Yoda, but as far as Ben could tell, for all their supposed wisdom and power, they had run from the newly-fledged Empire with their tails between their legs, and there was nothing admirable in that.

“No, I didn’t. I did hide, but I never gave up the fight. I kept in touch with the Rebel forces, helped younger Jedi when I found them…” She sighed. “I know what you must think, what it must look like, but when I realized what Palpatine was doing, that had to take priority. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for Luke, that I didn’t help your mother or the New Republic government, but the Force led me down a different path… And now, it’s led you to me. Finally, after all this time, we have the chance to defeat him once and for all and we wouldn’t have had that chance without the two of you.

“So yes, I’ve been keeping a low profile, staying out of galactic politics as much as possible, but I haven’t been idle. I’ve been watching, working against him where I could and waiting… Waiting for the two of you.”

“What do you mean, working against him?” Rey asked, puzzled. “I thought Palpatine returned… recently.”

“No,” Ahsoka said gently, peering over Ben’s shoulder with a far away look. “Oh no. He was never really gone, in fact.” Suddenly her sky-blue gaze was sharp and boring down on Ben. “But I think, if you search your heart, you know that.”

“Snoke,” Ben answered bitterly, meeting her gaze, though it took more courage than he wanted it to. “He was just a puppet. Palpatine told me. All my life, the darkness in me, I thought I was born with it. I thought the Dark Side was my destiny.”

“Never,” the old ex-Jedi told him firmly, still meeting his gaze, her expression softened. “You were born in the light, Ben Solo. The light has always been a part of you, and it always will be. All you have to do is stop fighting it and let it in.”

He stared at her, eyes wide, and bit down hard on the inside of his cheek, because Rey was there and he couldn’t lie and he had nothing, absolutely nothing, to defend himself from that soul-stinging truth. Somewhere within him, fault lines that had always been there, reawakened in the forests of Takodana, were growing outward, tearing him apart like the thousand small explosions from the Resistance breaking up Starkiller Base, erupting in bright, molten hot spears of light.

For the first time in years, he truly felt like himself, without the mask of a made-up identity and a cruel teacher to keep him firmly in shadow, Ben Solo was awake, and vulnerable. He looked at Rey, sitting beside him with a watchful, worried expression like she could see the fight inside him, see him crumbling apart, and he was terrified. Her hand lifted, rested gently on his, her Force signature steady and solid, and he barely recognized the broken sob that came from him as his own voice.

Somehow -  _ somehow _ \- though it was the last thing he deserved, and any sane person would never take such a risk, exposing themselves to the dangerous, capricious beast that he was, she remained. Her arms came around him, offering gravity and acceptance, and he let himself fall, grabbing at her blindly, fingers gripping her clothes and head pressed into her lap. And there he stayed, for as long as it took, Rey soothing him through it with endless patience despite never showing such a trait in any of their other interactions. Ahsoka was gone, the fire in her little cave dimmed, when he finally raised his head.

“Come on,” she said in a slightly hoarse voice, as if she’d been crying too. “Let’s just rest, alright? We’ll talk to her again in the morning.”

“Rey…” Her name was the only prayer he’d ever spoken aloud and believed would be answered.

“Shh. Shh, I know.” She stroked his hair and then his face in a gesture of affection that reminded him painfully of his mother. “I know.”

He nodded, and let her guide him. It was all he knew how to do anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Destiny,’ Snoke calls it.
> 
> ‘Master,” he bows his head, and tries not to choke on it. He knows in his bones something is wrong, there is more darkness ahead than he can even fathom, but he has no choice.
> 
> There was never a choice.
> 
> Until the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I'm still alive!! Hope everyone is safe and warm (and if you aren't @ me with your GFM for a signal boost). We're relatively okay here, just had a solid reminder of how much of a luxury hot water is and how lucky I am to have a spouse who is also my very considerate caretaker.

“How long have you been feeding secrets to the Rebels?” Admiral Pryde’s voice was high and sneering, his face so close to Hux’s he could feel the man’s spit on his chin.

He held his head as high as he could manage and tried desperately to keep himself from trembling, not daring to speak because his voice would give him away. It was foolish, oh, so very foolish, but it was no use trying to talk his way out of the hole he’d dug now. All he could do was deny it and hope… hope perhaps they’d just reassign or demote him, send away to a prison colony or something… surely Pryde, a man who had served with and respected his father, wouldn’t simply kill him outright.

“Speak!” The insufferable old man screeched in his ear, followed by another application of delicate vibro blades on the arches of his feet. Hux screamed instead, and the sound seemed to please the Admiral. “You are a spineless worm, just like your father,” he grimaced smugly. “Of course, disloyalty is to be expected from the spawn of an opportunistic whore.”

“How dare you -”

“Do not take that tone with me, boy! Brendol Hux’s wife was barren, everyone who served with him knew it to be true! And then she dies in childbirth at the same time as his kept whore and we’re expected to believe it’s true on his words alone?” Pryce rolled his eyes. “You’re a mangy half-breed, you belong on the streets, smuggling spice at best. The old Empire would _never_ have accepted such ignoble blood into the officer’s academy.”

“Well this isn’t your Empire, old man! I built the First Order, _me_ , under the guidance of Supreme Leader Snoke, who was viciously murdered by Kylo Ren and his Jedi whore!” Hux spat back. He would have vengeance for that, one day. He _would_.

Lost in the red rage of his hatred for the monster named Kylo Ren, he wasn’t prepared for the backhand from Pryde that split his lip and nearly knocked one of his teeth out.

“Silence this traitor!” Pryde snapped at the Stormtroopers around him. “Permanently.”

“No, no wait, I can be of use, I know things about Kylo Ren, I have Resistance clearance codes -”

“The Emperor has no need of your knowledge or codes,” the Admiral said coldly, turning to leave the interrogation room. The two soldiers standing guard moved closer, raising their blasters, and the sound of rapid firing filled the room. 

Hux screamed and closed his eyes, and it took him a minute to understand that the shots had left him unharmed. He opened his eyes to see both troopers lying on the floor to either side of the interrogation chair, and then there was a flash of silver metal in the corner of his eye and the restraints were lifted.

“You… I thought you were dead!” He gaped at the woman who stood before him in mismatched armor, some of it familiar and some not. Her trademark helmet was gone, and one eye was milky white under a horrific burn scar that spread down her cheek and up into her short-cropped blonde hair. “Why did you save me?”

Phasma shrugged, grabbing his hand and dragging him out of the chair, kicking one of the Stormtroopers blasters at him as she stalked out of the room.

“Come along, General. We have work to do.”

  
  
  


The cave wasn’t large, but it was warmer than sleeping outside even on the floor, and Ahsoka had given them blankets to use after Rey finally convinced Ben that she wasn’t about to join him in his grumpy attempt to sleep outside in just his cloak. They lay facing each other, and she was doing her best to slowly inch closer, under the guise of talking quietly while the elderly Jedi slept in her alcove behind a curtain in the back.

“Ben, what happened the night Luke’s temple was destroyed?”

“What did he tell you?” He scoffed. “Did I tell you I killed the other students? Set fire to it all?”

“Did you?” She did her best to keep her voice neutral, waiting with baited breath to hear his side of things, if he would just trust her enough to share it. He was quiet for a long time, and then he lifted his hands, slowly and deliberately removing his gloves while Rey watched.

When he turned to her and held his left hand out tentatively, eyes wide and intent on hers, she knew the offer for what it was instinctively and shifted, sliding her right one out with the palm open, facing up. Something like a smile crinkled the corners of his eyes and made faint divots around his mouth, and then he lowered his hand to hers with a gentleness that seemed impossible from a man like him.

For a second their eyes met, and nothing happened but their breath gusting out and mingling between them.

And then he closed his eyes, and she followed him.

_Ben is five-years-old, and his father is leaving again. He runs out onto the launch pad, chasing the outline of the familiar Corellian freighter, and C-3P0 totters after him, golden arms flashing in the morning sunlight. The planet is beautiful, full of elegant white buildings and manicured gardens like Rey has never seen, but Ben Solo is not happy here. Later, when the sky is darkening through an indoor window of painted glass, she sees Leia, red-eyed and nursing a glass of wine as her son rushes to her across a room with brightly-colored furniture._

_She sets down her glass and holds out her arms, and now, Ben Solo is happy. For a time._

  
  


_Another house, on another planet. Ben is older, his dark hair grows in wild curls around his sullen face. Han Solo sits beside him on the open cargo bay of the_ Falcon _, a piece of exhaust valve in his hands._

_“Now this can be taped up if it starts to leak, but not for long,” he instructs._

_“How long will it last?”_

_“Long enough to get you somewhere with a mechanic,” Han says with a grim smirk. “Hopefully.”_

_“Where are you going now?”_

_“Cantonnica,” Han sounds bitter._

_“Why can’t I go with you?” Ben is somehow even more bitter than his father, his shoulders set in anger, eyebrows drawn as he plays with the piece of gray metal tubing his father has given him._

_“Trust me, kid. You don’t want to.”_

  
  
  


_He hasn’t seen his father in three years. His mother works long hours, but she’s with him every moment she can be, and he knows that._

_She comes to him every night, even when it’s late, because if she doesn’t, he’ll have nightmares and wake screaming._

_This time he wakes screaming before she gets there. He tears apart the droid that tries to kill him, harnessing the Force in a way that frightens even him, and he knows from the look in their eyes (and the fact that Han Solo rushes home the very next day) that there’s something going on._

_They think he can’t hear them, but he doesn’t even need to. He can feel it, through the Force. His mother has never been able to shield herself from him, even with Uncle Luke’s guidance._

  
  
  


_He’s thirteen when his father takes him to Yavin, to Luke’s temple to begin training as a Jedi._

_Ben Solo does not want to be a Jedi. He wants to be a racer, or a smuggler, like his father. He knows Han Solo still trades in certain things, things his mother’s friends would find horrifying. Chewie never lies to him, unlike his parents and Luke, but he knows better than to admit that he knows._

_They’re barely there five minutes before the_ Falcon _takes off again, Han telling him brusquely to behave himself._

_It’s the last time Ben Solo sees his father._

  
  
  


_He hears things all the time now, things that used to live just inside of his dreams, the nightmares that he used to wake from are now alive in the daylight. Luke tells him he must shield his mind, like he hasn’t been trying to do that very thing since he was five years old._

_It shouldn’t be so hard. The other padawans can do it, and he can hide his mind easily from them, and Luke, and his mother. But he can’t hide from the Darkness._

_Maybe it’s something wrong with him. Maybe it’s inherited._

_He knows Luke thinks so, knows the very thought drove his mother to give up any further pursuit of Jedi training. They think they’re protecting him by keeping it secret, but he finds out when the rest of the galaxy does._

_Darth Vader was his mother and Uncle Luke’s father. Anakin Skywalker, who betrayed the Jedi and sold himself to the Dark Side. Uncle Luke says he was conflicted, a tormented soul, seduced by his own fear._

_Ben knows how that feels. He asks Luke about their mother, his grandmother, but Luke tells him to ask Leia, and he never gets around to it. She’s always so busy, so guilty, when she calls._

_‘I am coming,’ the Darkness whispers to him one night._

_‘No,’ he tries to tell it. ‘Leave me alone.’_

_‘It’s too late. I am coming.’_

_He wakes to see the green glowing line of Luke’s saber, raised over his head while he sleeps. He acts on instinct._

_The Darkness comes. When he wakes, the world is on fire._

_He tries to flee, but they track him down. Luke’s students, the other Jedi. They have sensed the Darkness that never truly leaves him, and they make assumptions. He tries. He truly does._

_They don’t listen. No one listens. Whatever he wants in his life, it’s never mattered. Who he is, what he is, where he goes - it has all been decided for him._

_‘Destiny,’ Snoke calls it._

_‘Master,” he bows his head, and tries not to choke on it. He knows in his bones something is wrong, there is more darkness ahead than he can even fathom, but he has no choice._

_There was never a choice._

_Until the girl._

  
  


Rey opened her eyes, blinking back tears, and gave up any pretense of holding back to respect his space. She twined her fingers through his, squeezing with all the strength in her slender, calloused hand, and shoved her body against his until he gave in with a gruff sigh and slowly bent around her. His arm moved on its own instinct, down her arm, warm and dry against her shivering skin, and she nestled her face into his neck, humming soothingly when he lowered his chin over the top of her head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered like a prayer, begging him to be strong still, to take that last step and open up, let her comfort him like he deserved. “You tried so hard, it wasn’t fair.”

“Don’t be sorry. Han was sorry,” his voice was quiet, but the tone harsh, and his fingers dug painfully into her arm. “Luke was sorry. I don’t want your pity.”

“Then tell me what you want,” she hissed, teeth gritted against the pain of his arms and fingers, crushing her to him, rolling them until she was forced to straddle his waist and crouch on top of him. “Ben, please -”

“I want you to _want_ me. All of me, not just this inner light you’re so obsessed with,” he panted, hands moving thoughtlessly all over her, hard and demanding, exploring her body without regard for any agency, like she was a doll he could pose. “I can’t fight it alone, Rey. The only thing that’s ever given me that strength is you.”

“I know.” With some struggle, she pushed herself up, wresting free of his grip to perch with her hands on his shoulders, and when his eyes cleared of the wild, tumbling emotion and registered that she hadn’t fought him off or run away, she leaned down and kissed him, and there was nothing gentle in it. Rey had suffered too, she knew there was darkness in her, even before the lightning had flown from her fingertips, she had felt it building. When and how it began, she had no idea. Perhaps Master Luke was right, and it was something that could be inherited. But if it was, then Luke and Leia and their father had fought it, and they’d been successful. 

Ben had been successful when it mattered. 

He seemed wholly unprepared for Rey’s wildness, and she took advantage of his state of shock to reach out with the Force, finding his hands and dragging them up, holding them down beside his head with her mind and she moved over him. She bit at his lip until he opened his mouth and then drew his tongue into hers, sucking hard enough to draw a startled moan from his chest, leaving him gasping and panting when she finally released him.

“You. Are not. Alone,” she told him firmly, glaring down as if she meant to bore holes into his wide eyes. “You’re the one who let go. You’re the one who gave this up. Remember? Don’t think I’m not still angry with you - I know a Jedi isn’t supposed to be angry, but you - You are so infuriating!”

“You’re the one who left me, Rey. I woke up and the ship was on fire and you were gone!”

“Because you were too selfish to see beyond your own freedom! We fought for it together and the first thing you did was try to take power for yourself!” She rolled her eyes, almost hissing. “If you had just told them to stop firing, I would have stayed with you, you absolute idiot!”

“You… would have… stayed?” He looked lost suddenly, and Rey was positive the idea had never even crossed his mind. What was it with the Skywalkers and their inability to see things outside of strict black and white choices?

“Yes!”

“I’m…” He shook his head, and Rey watched a that impassible, emotionless facade cracked finally, his eyes practically lighting up, a genuine rare smile curving his lips. He opened his mouth and laughed, and then his arms came up around her again, but this time they were only half-crushing, and she could feel his chest moving with silent laughter. “I’m an idiot.”

“I really hate to interrupt your little moment, kids,” a cool, faintly amused voice filtered through the curtain at the back of the cave, and the both of them flinched. “But these old bones need rest.”

“Sorry,” Rey called in a loud whisper.

“Don’t be sorry,” she could hear Ahsoka’s smile in her voice. “Just go to sleep.”


End file.
